The MixedTape
by Synea K
Summary: Sakura comes across a mixed CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, she sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and  to make one last attempt at having the less than ordinary life she's always dreamed of.
1. Why?

**AN: Hello! ^_^. I couldn't help but post and write this story now. It's been sitting in my head for a little while and I started writing it a few months ago. Some chapters will contain song lyrics to go along with what's happening in the moment but I'll make sure not to just fill up all the space w/ lyrics! :). Hope you enjoy reading & you know the deal, lemme know what you think, k? Happy readings!**

P.S. I didn't forget about "Breaking Free"! Trust me, I've been dying to post what I have but I don't think you'd enjoy reading incomplete work and I really want to write a few more chapters before I start posting for that story again since the plot will be picking up. Anyways! I'll keep ya posted :)

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><p>Summary: Sakura comes across a mixed CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, she sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and makes one last attempt at the less than ordinary life she's dreamed of.<p>

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CCS and its characters! I also do not know any of the song titles &amp; lyrics within this story. I DO own this plot and any original characters I decide to put in here.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Why? <strong>

It was a rush.

People were mere blurs as they sped off in every direction, each focused on their own different tasks. There were lights that had to be relocated, wires that had to be moved, people at the wrong stations and then there was me.

Standing in the middle of it all, like a little gazelle surrounded by packs of hyenas that just hadn't taken notice of me yet. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. _'You can do this, Sakura'_

Reopening them, nothing had changed. In fact, the whole reality of the situation set in a little more as I heard shouts of "10 minutes to call time!" and "Gather the acts!"

My heart rate increased rapidly and I suddenly felt very sick.

"Oh, who am I kidding! I can't do this." I whirled around in search of the nearest exit. Spotting one across the room, I shifted my guitar strap so that it hung over my shoulder and I walked as nonchalantly as possible as to not alert the hungry hyenas of my departure for fear they would notice and attack.

"Sakura Kinomoto don't you dare think about leaving!"

I stopped in my tracks, afraid to turn around. To me, that voice meant sudden death but to everyone else the melodic tone was nothing far from sweet, innocent and completely harmless. In a few elegant strides she was at my side. She grabbed my hand and turned me to face her, my head hanging in embarrassment and defeat.

Instead of the scolding that I was mentally preparing myself for, her arms wrapped around me in a comforting embrace.

"I know you're nervous but you can't run away now. You've worked so hard."

Her voice was soothing and was what I needed to relax my racing heart. "Plus, this is your last chance to do something exciting before you go off into the "real world" and I pulled a loooot of strings to get you here after the deadline so you're not allowed to bail on me." she gave me one last squeeze and held me at arm's length. We both laughed and I took a deep breath.

"Thanks, Tomoyo. I really don't know where I would be without you."

"Oh, I don't know. Living a very boring life with no sense of style?" she said teasingly.

"Very true" I agreed.

Tomoyo Daidouji. Not only is she my best friend but I also get the pleasure of having her as a cousin. Beyond beautiful, intelligent, witty and the biggest fashionista I know, she's been by my side through every minute and monumental moment in my life and even though we're both heading off on different paths after graduation, I know that things will remain the same between us.

"5 minutes, everyone! Let's get the acts gathered, stage left!" my worried gaze found Tomoyo's and she smiled reassuringly, "Oh Sakura, you're going to be just fine!"

I nodded with a wavering sense of relief as we began walking towards where all of the other performance acts were gathering,

"You should be telling that to the poor soul who has to go first!"

Tomoyo laughed nervously, "I am."

"That's really funny, Tomoyo, are you trying to say that I'm up first?" I looked back at her as we neared the left entrance to the stage. She smiled apologetically, my eyes widening at the realization of what was going to happen in the next few minutes.

"You've got to be kidding me! I can't be the first one up!" I pleaded.

"Kinomoto, Sakura! Is Kinomito, Sakura here?"

I turned to see a woman a few feet away from me holding a clipboard. Her eyes scanned over the huddle of performers.

"She's right here!" Tomoyo announced, waving her hand and pointing at me. The woman turned to me and nodded before writing something down on her clip board. "You're up in 2, dear." she smiled at me and continued her task of placing the other performers in order.

"Tomoyo, please, please, please don't make me go first!" I was prepared to beg on my knees. "I'll do anything!" her somber look did nothing to comfort me.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I can't do anything about it." she said disappointingly.

It was the longest minute of my life as I hurried over to one of the portable vanities, tucking random strands of my auburn hair behind my ear.

"Kinomoto, you're on in one minute!" the woman from before shouted.

It was now or never. I quickly checked the tuning on my guitar before turning back to Tomoyo. "Alright, I can do this" I whispered with an affirmative nod. Tomoyo mimicked my gesture and gave me one last hug before I turned and headed for the stage area.

"Do your best, Sakura! Stay focused and remember to smile!" she shouted after me. I smiled backwards at her one last time before walking through the curtains onto the stage.

The lights were beyond blinding as I stood in front of the panel of 3 judges. I'd never been on a stage this size before. I felt so small.

"Kinomoto, Sakura correct?"One of the judges spoke.

"Yes" I stood up straight and tried to sound as confident as possible. My nerves were through the roof and my hands shook. If the judges noticed this they didn't let on. The three nodded before another judge spoke, "So what will competing in this competition mean to you?"

Something caught my eye and I glanced quickly to see Tomoyo grinning at me with two thumbs up. I couldn't help but stifle a giggle.

"Well, other than making my best friend the happiest person in the world," I nodded my head towards the backstage area which earned a small chuckle from the judges, "I really love to sing. It's as simple as that. I'm 21 and I am graduating soon. So between going off to graduate school, accepting a full time job, or taking one last shot at my dream of singing. I chose to take my chances with the latter. It doesn't hurt to try, right?" I smiled sheepishly.

"Not at all. So what are you singing for us today?

"It's an original song I managed to put together recently that I titled 'Why'"

"Very nice," the third judge spoke, "Any inspiration for this song?"

There was an instant ping of sadness in my heart. Did they always ask this many questions? Regardless of whether or not I wanted to answer their questions I took a deep breath before picking up my guitar, strumming the first few chords. "The song speaks for itself." I smiled sadly. I saw the judges nod approvingly before I closed my eyes, losing myself in the melody that brought me back to a place and time that I was trying so desperately to leave behind.

_"I'm sorry I'm calling you so late. The audition lasted longer than I expected." _

I could hear the bustling sound of the city, even at this time of night.

It'd been so long since we'd spoken, it was almost bittersweet to hear his voice sound so cheerful.

_"Sakura? Are you there?"_

His voice brought me back from my thoughts-like it always had._ "Yeah, I'm here."_

"_Did you get the CDs I mailed you?"_ I wished I was able to mimic the brightness in his voice.

"_Mhm"_

_"Is everything ok?" _

That simple question was somehow so very difficult to answer right now. He'd asked it plenty of times before and I always replied with the same thing. Part of me told me it was ok to reciprocate that answer again but the more logical side of my brain knew that lying like I have been over the last month would only lead to a more dangerous pattern that held devastating results. Logic told me that the constant strain on my heart was not worth the supposed relationship that I was currently in. It was a constant tug-of-war and frankly, I'd grown tired of putting up a fight.

_"No...everything's not ok" _the confidence in my voice surprised me. But I know it wouldn't be long before I would cave.

"_Sakura, what's wrong? Talk to me"_

_"Everything, Syaoran! I-I don't deserve this." _my voice cracked as my emotions spilled over, the sudden confidence waning but I continued,_ "Syaoran, I wanted a relationship with you...not whatever this is!" _I said sternly into the receiver. I waited for his reply.

That night was all I could think of as I began to sing:

[Why, do you always do this to me?

Why, couldn't you just see it through me?]

_"What do you mean whatever this is? Sakura, I love you."_

_"If you loved me, you'd be here and not off chasing some stupid-"_

_"it's not stupid"_ He shouted, _"Sakura…this is my dream."_

"_And THIS is my heart. I trusted you to take care of it" _I nearly yelled into the receiver.

"_How come you never told me you felt this way until now?"_ his temper had risen but I could tell he was trying his best to remain calm.

_"Like I ever got the chance to talk to you about it? Syaoran, we haven't spoken in almost 3 weeks. Don't tell me you didn't see this coming," _

I could hear nothing more than the sound of his breathing. Things were escalating at too rapid a pace for me to go back on my words. If he could magically appear somehow, I would take back every word I said just for a hug.

[How come? You act like this-

Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe—

I was the only one to fall]

His face was now clearly visible as I continued to sing the words. It's ironic that I was up here in the first place. We'd broken up because he'd decided to chase his dream of becoming a musician and here I am, out for the same chance at stardom.

[I can feel, I can feel you near me

Even though you're far away

I can feel I can feel you baby, why?]

I ended the call, shaking from the sobs that wracked my body as our final spoken words rang clearly and loudly in my head.

"_Sakura I-I'm sorry" _his words surprised me. In all of the years that I'd known him, he'd never been one to apologize so quickly.

"_It's ok, Syaoran. I jus-"_

"_I'm sorry I can't be there for you. You really do deserve better."_

I didn't know what to say. I only wanted to tell him how I was feeling but—something in my plan had gone terribly wrong.

"_Syaoran, what are you trying to say?"_

[It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you

More and more each day

It's not supposed to feel this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why?]

I could hear him take a deep breath before continuing _"I'm trying to say that having a relationship and doing this music thing…It's just too much to handle right now. _My breath hitched in my throat.

[So go on & think about

Whatever you need to think about

Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about

& come back to me when you know just how you feel—you feel]

"_I understand, Syaoran."_ I couldn't believe what I was saying and I'm sure he couldn't either. But I didn't need him to say anymore. It wasn't fair to the both of us, trying to continue on this way. Who knows when we would speak to each other again? This time it'd only been 3 weeks. Last time it was nearly a month.

"_I've gotta get going,"_ he said through the silence.

I nodded as if he could see me but I couldn't bring myself to utter another word. I'd said enough.

"_Take care, Sakura"_ he paused and took a breath as if he would say something else but no other word ever came. No other words were ever spoken between us after that night.

[It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you—more and more each day

It's not supposed to hurt this way

I need you, I need you, I need you

Tell me, are you and me still together?

Tell me, do you think we could last forever?

Tell me, why?]

I brought myself back to my present state as I finished the song and awaited the judges' responses. Placing the guitar at my side, I let out the breath I'd been holding. Barely visible, a few tears dangled from the rim of my eyes. 'It's not crying if the tears don't fall' I told myself, taking a deep breath to calm my emotions. I'd made a promise to not cry so much anymore over things that I had no control over, which is why I'd taken up music again. I needed a new release for my emotions. Nostalgia always haunted me at the end of any year. It is always easier to find comfort in what used to be than in the indefinite future that lay ahead.

"That was beautiful" the first female judge said. The second female judge agreed with a nod, "There was so much emotion in that song," she added. We turned our attention to the third and final judge, "It was quite good but you could use a little more practice". I simply nodded in agreement, I was in no position to argue whether or not I needed practice or not. I was just grateful to even be there.

"Thank you for this opportunity" I smiled and gave a curt nod.

"It was a pleasure. You'll be contacted by a producer by the end of the month with whether or not you will be included in this season of the show. Thank you for auditioning and good luck!"

I gave a wave of my hand before skipping off the stage towards a beaming Tomoyo.

Once I was behind the safety of the curtain, we gripped each other's shoulders and simultaneously jumped up and down, letting out squeals of excitement.

"You were so great out there!" she complimented, "I can't believe you actually went through with this!"

"I know! I can't either!"

Our excitement garnered stares from everyone present in the room and we decided to take our celebration elsewhere.

The cool breeze was refreshing as we made our way to no particular destination. It was a routine for us to just sort of walk around the town. We lived here our entire lives so it wasn't like we would get lost. Our celebration for my successful audition consisted of hot chocolate topped with double whipped cream and some casual conversation. I honestly couldn't ask for anything more.

"So you changed up the song you were going to sing last minute, huh?"

I nodded and blew on the steaming liquid. "Yeah, I thought this one would bring out a little more…emotion, I guess. But I'm doing alright now" We continued on for a moment in silence, coming to a stop in front of an old park.

"I haven't been here in so long!" I set my cocoa down on a bench and immediately sat on one of the swings. Tomoyo giggled at my childish behavior but followed suit, taking the swing to the left of mine. I kicked off the ground and began to rock the swing back and forth.

"I don't think I could ever get tired of this" I laughed as I began to sway higher. Tomoyo, keeping her motion at a minimum, took the opportunity to record me from her cell phone. She'd always loved to document the events of our lives, no matter how minute things seemed.

"Hey Sakura,"

"Yeah?" I shouted from above her just before my swing came cascading back down.

"Have you heard anything at all from him?" she closed her phone and placed it back in her pocket.

Her eyes followed me as I continued to swing. "I don't know why you keep asking me that. The answer is still the same" I replied.

"Oh, ok"

"It's done between us. He's got his dream to follow and I—well, I've got lots of opportunities ahead of me."

"But isn't it ironic that you decided to—"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. It's funny, isn't it?" I laughed timidly. I used my feet as breaks and brought my swing back to its starting position.

"I know you think we were meant to be together, Tomoyo but sometimes things just don't work out and we take what we have and make the most of it." I stood and dusted myself off, retrieving my drink.

"If you say so, Sakura" Tomoyo sighed reluctantly. The hopeless romantic in her would never understand that sometimes things don't always go as planned and it's best to just leave things the way they ended. "Let's head home!"

Tomoyo nodded in agreement and we walked in a comfortable silence through the night.

It had been a while since we openly spoke of him. Of course, two months isn't enough to get over a broken relationship but I'd like to think I was doing just fine. Keeping myself preoccupied with school and work and with the ability to write out my emotions, I rarely cried about it anymore. There was really no use looking back or constantly filling my mind with "what-if's" and "maybe's". After a while it all ends up feeling the same: falling in love, getting over a break up and moving on. When you first fall in love, you're overcome with the excitement about this person, of starting a new chapter in your life but at the same time you're anxious about taking that next big step. It's the same with moving on, right? You're initially anxious about leaving behind all that you used to know and moving forward but at the same time, there is still a hint of excitement of what the future may hold. So, that leaves me here. Caught in the limbo of being anxious and excited but a little too optimistic to worry about it.

"Thank you for coming with me again, Tomoyo. I couldn't have done any of this without you" I yawned as we made our way up the stairs of our townhouse.

She paused in the doorframe of her room and gave a tired smile, "I'm really glad I was able to get the time off. I probably would have called out anyways though. I wouldn't have missed this for the world"

I opened the door to my bedroom with a light laughter. "Of course. Good night, Tomoyo"

" 'Night, Sakura. See ya in the morning"

A month from now and my whole life could change. The thought alone gave me butterflies. '_I wonder if this is how he felt about chasing his dream'_. A sad smile tugged at my lips and I sighed heavily, climbing into my bed after changing into my sleeping clothes. Reaching into my nightstand drawer, I retrieved a small photograph. With the light of the moon shining in between my blinds I was able to make out a happy couple. The picture was taken a little over a year ago now. It was of us on the day we decided to become,well, an "us". I'd placed it in the drawer the night we broke it off and whenever my mind double-crossed me and he managed to sneak into my thoughts, I'd pull it out. It didn't make sense to torture myself by withholding it from my worrying heart. I did worry. I don't think there's been a night where I didn't wish for his safety and happiness. 'It's the best way to use my 11:11 wishes' I laughed inwardly. As the neon green numbers on my clock changed to 11:12, and with that as my last thought, I let my eyes close from the weight of the day as I slowly drifted into a peaceful state of unconsciousness.

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed reading! The song, btw, is "Why" by Avril Lavigne. &amp; just a reminder, I won't be posting songs in every chapter. Just a few! (in case it got a little confusing to read _). Well anyways, let me know your thoughts, concerns, suggestions! Chapter 2 is in the finishing stages and 3 is in the works as well so I'll be updating soon enough! 'Til then~<strong>

**Always,**

**S.K.**


	2. The Mixed Tape

**AN: Chapter 2! Yay! I'm excited because I'm finally getting a hang of writing a quicker plot progression. I'm hoping I keep the pace I'm currently writing at and it keeps everyone entertained & interested . Thank you to **_**deadflo**_** & **_**SKDiaz**_** for my first 2 reviews! & thanks to all subscribers! Happy Reading, everyone!~**

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><p>Summary: Sakura comes across a CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, Sakura sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and makes one last attempt to have a less than ordinary life.<p>

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CCS and its characters! I also do not know any of the song titles &amp; lyrics within this story. I DO own this plot and any original characters I decide to put in here.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: The Mixed Tape<strong>

_& this is my mixed tape for her. It's like I wrote—every note with my own fingers.  
><em>"_The Mixed Tape" by Jack's Mannequin._

**_2 months later…_**

I was up early this morning. I guess the anxiety of taking my last final yesterday was getting the best of me. It's funny, most people feel anxious before taking an exam. I would be the one person to be terrified as I submitted my final paper and drove back to my apartment. The real world was becoming so much more "real" every day. Graduation was exactly 10 days away, to this exact hour.

The cereal that I'd decided on for breakfast didn't seem very appetizing anymore and I poured it down the drain.

With nothing better to do, I started the tedious task of packing…or at least deciding on what I really wanted and what I could do without. I regretted my decision the moment I opened the closet.

Making my way back to the stairs, there was a knock from the front door. I looked to the kitchen clock that ticked to 9:05am and I walked cautiously towards the sound. None of our friends usually dropped by without calling first, especially at this time of morning on a week day and it couldn't have been Tomoyo since she had left to take her last final exam only 30 minutes ago.

I looked through the peep hole and then laughed at how cautious I was being before opening the door.

"I'm sorry for just stopping by so unexpectedly. You didn't answer your phone so I thought I'd just see if you were home. "

My brother, Touya Kinomoto, stood at the front door balancing his 1-year old daughter, Yuki, in one arm and the diaper bag on the other.

"Would you be able to watch her for a few hours? Kaho and I received an unexpected call for a photo-shoot and we really wanted to take it"

I poked my head out of the doorway and waved to my sister-in-law, Kaho Kinomoto. She gave a pleasant smile and returned my gesture. The two had met during a photography program at the university and were inseparable ever since. In a matter of 3 years, they'd dated, gotten married and brought little Yuki into the world. She'll be turning 2 in just a few months.

"We shouldn't be longer than a few hours. I know you've been really busy with packing so if you can't, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if we brought her with us"

I was brought out of my reminiscent thoughts by the little girl with bright brown eyes reaching for me. I smiled brightly and took her from his arms.

"Yes yes, I can watch her, Touya now get out of here! It's bonding time!"

I retrieved the large diaper bag from his shoulders and shifted my weight to stay balanced.

"Alright, alright," he bent to eye level with his daughter and placed a kiss on her cheek, "You're so brave, little one! Most kids run from monsters" he tickled underneath her arm and she squirmed in delight.

"You're lucky I'm holding her or you'd be hurt right now" I said, stomping my foot on the ground.

He stood from his spot and raised his eyebrows, "No promoting violence in front of my daughter"

"Whatever you say! I guess if I can't do it in front of her, I'll just have to have one of my own"

I retorted slyly and kicked the door closed before he had a chance for a comeback. I placed the diaper bag on the floor and nuzzled my cheek into the little girl.

My phone chimed from my back pocket and I retrieved it quickly.

_You better not be having any children any time soon, squirt! I mean it. _

"I don't know how you live with that man" I said aloud to the little girl in my arms.

_Of course, dear brother. _ I replied before tucking the phone back into my pocket. I picked the diaper bag back up and dropped it off at the foot of the stairs.

"!" lifting Yuki into the air, I swiftly ascended the steps back up to my room. The little girl let out fits of uncontrollable laughter and squeals and her giggles subsided as we entered my disheveled bedroom. 2 months ago, I decided to take a shot at stardom by entering a national musician competition but as fate would have it, I wasn't selected as a final competitor. I figured the best plan for me would be to continue my education since I couldn't find any full-time job openings.

I walked with Yuki in my arms and stood in front of my closet mirror.

"I'm gonna miss seeing you all the time, little one" I said to the little girl who was still latched onto me observing the world behind us through the mirror.

"Up, up!" she said cheerfully but her actions opposed her words. She squirmed within my arms and I placed her onto the floor, realizing that "up" actually meant down.

The little girl waddled towards a box that lay near my closet. The night befoer, Tomoyo had gone through all of the old mail and given me anything that had my name on it to look through. Without a single thought of hesitation, Yuki picked up the box and dumped its contents all over the floor.

"Oh don't-"in a failed attempt to stop her she then proceeded to scatter the items about the floor. I laughed, amused by her spree of giggles and made an attempt to clean up the mess she'd made.

Spotting something else to peak her interest, she crawled onto the almost neat pile of envelopes and letters that I'd managed to stack and made her way to the other side of the closet.

I couldn't help but smile at her unintentional mistakes. "Whatcha got there, babygirl?" I asked curiously as Yuki picked up an old karaoke microphone from another box I'd had in the corner. Yuki answered by inaudibly humming and "la"-ing into the toy microphone.

"You wanna sing?" I asked her. Still preoccupied by her new discovery, I hurriedly looked around for a CD to play, finding one not far from the box that she'd spilt earlier. She followed me to the other side of the room as I placed the CD in the CD player that still sat beneath my computer desk.

Silence continued to fill the room and I looked back at the eager little girl, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Hmm…I guess there's nothing on this CD. Let's go fi-"

"_Sakura," _

My breath caught in my throat and my hand paused just above the "stop" button. I slowly turned my head to face the audio machine, my mind racing for any reason why I would be hearing _his_ voice.

"_I know it's been a while since we've spoken and I'm probably the last person you would want to hear from right now. But, heh, it's funny, I've never seen myself doing something like this but I think that you and I both know that it's the best way for me to get my feelings across to you. The last time we spoke I—We-_"

I turned it off before I could hear anymore. The smallest hint of his laughter, the sound of his voice made my head spin and my heart ache. I was rescued from my thoughts at the sound of the door closing down stairs. I scrambled to my feet, whisking Yuki up into my arms and swiftly made my way out of the room.

"Remind me why I decided to take a 7am class!" my roommate shouted from below.

"Tomoyo?" I stopped midway through my decline on the stairs as she took her shoes off at the front door.

"What's up Sakura? Oh! Yuki's here!"

Tomoyo placed her bags down at the foot of the stairs and with outstretched arms, collected my niece into a tight hug.

"& how are you doing little cutie?" Tomoyo cooed, tickling Yuki and making her way up the stairs. My feet stayed rooted to the stairs.

"Tomoyo, I found this CD and-"

"Oo what was on it? I love listening to old CDs!" I stomped up the stairs behind her.

"I didn't finish listening to it yet but it's fro-"

"Oh, ok. Let me know if it's any good when you do" She made her way into her room and lay on the bed. She held baby Yuki suspended in the air above her, obviously too preoccupied with my niece to pay any real attention to me. I let out a frustrated sigh and stood in the doorway to her room.

"…It was from Syaoran" I was finally able to finish.

Tomoyo sat up, holding baby Yuki close to her chest. "Like…one of his old mixes? You haven't listened to those in a while." she said with surprise.

"Is someone having a change of heart?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Yes. Wait…no! I mean…" I let out another frustrated sigh and composed my thoughts. "Yes, I guess it's an old CD. But I've never heard it before and…I don't know. I haven't finished listening to it yet." I sat down on the bed next to her. Yuki crawled from Tomoyo and climbed on top of me, resting her head in my lap.

"Well what was on it?" she inquired.

"I didn't finish listening to it. He was talking to me though" I stroked Yuki's hair as a small yawn escaped her, "Someone's ready for nap time" I whispered with a grin. I rose from the bed, gently cradling the drowsy little girl. "Let's put her down for a nap first and we can talk about it" I whispered to Tomoyo as I made my way back to my room.

Tomoyo waited for me at the door as I secured Yuki within a barrier of pillows in the center of my bed. Before leaving the room I grabbed the CD and the portable player. Taking once last look at the small sleeping figure I gently closed the door, leaving it partially open.

"Where did it come from? I mean, technically you haven't seen each other since October and the last set of CDs he sent were before you broke up in December, right?

We walked back into her room and sat on the floor near her closet and I set up the CD player.

"I don't remember receiving anything but…maybe I overlooked it. I did find the CD next to that box of old mail you gave me after Yuki made a mess of things" I absent mindedly twirled the seemingly blank disk around my finger.

A silence lapsed between us before Tomoyo took the CD from my hands.

"No point in dwelling over it. The important thing now is that it's here and you were meant to listen to it" she said, placing the disc in the player. I thought to protests but our eyes locked for a moment with a silent exchange of understanding before I nodded.

The same silence as before filled the room and I held my breath. The second his voice played through the speaker, I shut my eyes. _Come on Sakura, it's been nearly 5 months. You've been doing so well. Don't cave now!' _Tomoyo reached for my hand, giving it a light squeeze as I tuned back into his message where I'd left off before.

"…_I know it's been a while since we've spoken and I'm probably the last person you would want to hear from right now. But, heh, it's funny, I've always been better at expressing myself this way to you than through letters. _

_The last time we spoke I—we—we didn't really leave off on a good note and it's partly my fault. I didn't know how else to handle the situation. I wanted to preserve what little good feelings, memories and thoughts you had about me before our relationship completely soured. You deserved so much that I wasn't able to offer you. At least not at the time. But I want you to understand this: I love you, Sakura, and I always will. This—thing we're going through now is so small compared to the amount of love that we have for each other and I hope you never forget that. This mix should help you understand just how I've been feeling in these last couple of months. I hope to hear from you soon. Even if it's just to tell me how stupid I was for ending things with you. I love you. _

I watched as the numbers continued to increase on the track time until they shifted to zeros and the sound of a melody could be heard. I reached over and pressed the "pause" button as the first track of the CD began. I took a deep breath to compose myself, tears threatening to spout from my eyes.

"Sakura, are you ok?"

Tomoyo's words were barely above a whisper and I managed to give a simple nod. She let out a sigh. Maybe of relief, maybe of disappointment that I was still unable to admit that I wasn't really ok, that I was still unable to admit that I'd been hiding behind a makeshift barrier in order to mask how hurt I was inside. The boy I was hopelessly in love with, the boy who dreamed of building a future with me-something that without a reasonable doubt we both knew was inevitable-crushed those dreams and ran off to chase an unsure reality based off of a fantasy of stardom. But who was I to blame him? We all have dreams and we all need to have the chance to follow them, right? It's only sad when the cost of achieving these dreams is leaving those you care behind…even if it was only mean to be temporary.

I inhaled once more, my thoughts being cut off by a slight cry from my room. Shaken by the new noise, I quickly rose and raced to my room.

"Aww, baby girl. It's ok, I'm here"

I sat on the bed next to the drowsy Yuki whose frantic sob seemed to be nothing but a cry for attention. Once cuddled into my lap, her eyes blinked the few tears away and I slowly watched her fade back to sleep. I brushed her hair with the back of my hand and hummed quietly to her.

"So will you write him back?"

Tomoyo leaned against the door frame, her arms folded across her chest. My eyes flickered up to meet hers for only a second before I returned my gaze to the sleeping child.

"I don't know, Tomoyo"

"What do you mean you don't—"

"Shhhh" I brought my finger up to my lips, reminding my best friend that she needed to use her indoor voice.

"What do you mean you don't know?" she repeated in a rushed whisper. She made her way over to me as I moved the sleeping Yuki back to the middle of the bed. I stood with a stretch only to be met by Tomoyo's demanding gaze in the mirror.

"Sakura, it's definitely a sign that you guys are supposed to be together!"

I rolled my eyes, "Or it's just an old mixed CD that I probably should have found a few months ago but for some strange reason it got lost in the mail"

"Or destiny is telling you that back then wasn't the right time and now is!"

Yuki stirred momentarily and I shot Tomoyo a glare, nodding my head towards the door. Leaving the door partially cracked, I made my way downstairs with Tomoyo trailing behind me.

"Tomoyo, if he really wanted to contact me he could have called. He of all people should know not to trust the postal service with important items" I retorted, thinking back to the countless CD's he would send me that never made it to my home.

I mindlessly opened the fridge, staring at its contents before closing it and heading over to the pantry.

"Look, I'm sure he has a reason for not calling you. Remember how he wasn't able to use a phone for weeks at a time? Maybe something like that happened, I don't know, but think about it this way: What's the coincidence of you finding this CD at this cross roads in your life? I think you should reach out to him"

"Cross roads? There aren't any cross roads, Tomoyo. I'll be moving to a new town in less than a week to begin a new life at a—"

"…At a new school, with a new job. Yes, I know. Please don't remind me of how you're leaving me,"

She said with a tinge of sarcasm. Yet again, I rolled my eyes playfully. I grabbed a box of cereal and sat down at one of the counter stools.

"Just think about it Sakura. School doesn't start for another 3 months. That's ample time to find a part-time job and well…reconnect with your lost true love!"

I grabbed a handful of cereal & chewed loudly, keeping my eyes on anything but my cousin. Her antics for dealing with love could sound a bit hopeless but she always found some way to make sense and justify any situation. For this, I loathed and loved her at the same time.

"I don't know, Tomoyo. What if I don't have enough time to get situated and find a job? I can't take that risk"

I could feel her eyes piercing into me, "You might also risk losing out on being with the love of your life just for a steady paycheck. The Sakura I know wouldn't have given up on love so easily." Her eyes and her voice drilled into me and I tried my best to ignore the voice of reason within my own mind.

"So what's it going to be? Your heart for the real world…or a chance at happiness?"

I stood from the stool and walked over to the sliding glass door in the living room. What an uneven trade for the real world this was. I'd had everything so set in stone…at least that's what I made myself believe. I would go to this new school and make new friends and maybe even meet a new guy. But in the back of my mind, I'd secretly compare the two. I'd come up with all the reasons to hate Syaoran and I would try forget about all the many reasons why I loved him just to have a shot at something that 'could be' instead of something I know is…meant to be.

I let my eyes wander over the lush green scenery of the back lot, trying desperately to ignore the tugging from my heart that was telling me how much I wanted…no…needed to do this.

'Dear Me, please forgive me for ruining our seemingly perfect plans for this whirlwind adventure of blissful imperfection that I'm about to take our heart on'. Looks like logic wouldn't be winning this time.

I let out a heavy sigh before turning back to face her, my eyes finally meeting her pleading gaze. I walked back over to the counter and took a handful a cereal. With one huge gulp, I swallowed the cereal…and my pride.

"Alright" I said timidly

Her squeals filled the small townhouse and I nearly suffocated from her embrace.

"Ok, ok, Tomoyo" I gasped.

We both laughed and settled into a comfortable silence.

"So where do I go from here?" I asked reluctantly, continuing to pick from the cereal box.

Tomoyo snatched the box from under my hand and placed it back inside the pantry which earned her a glare.

"Well for starters, we need to find the envelope that the CD came in. It should still have his address on it, right?"

I nodded in agreement and rose to head back up the stairs. My heart beat in tune with each step I took up the stairs. Each step meant being so much closer to reconciling with Syaoran. Each step was a step towards true happiness.

* * *

><p>"Maybe it's a Z"<p>

"But it wouldn't make sense…it has to be a 2 but it could be a 6 too" I held the envelope above my head as I lay on the floor.

"Let me see it again" I passed the frustrating object back to Tomoyo and rolled over to face Yuki who was playing with some toys, quietly on the floor.

"Sakura! We're so dumb!"

I sighed and rolled back over, "Let me guess, it's not a 2 or a Z"

Tomoyo laughed at my lack of enthusiasm. For the last hour we searched through the box of old mail and were able to find the envelope but were unable to figure out just what his address was due to coincidental smudge marks.

"No, silly. Why don't we just try calling him?"

I smacked my forehead. "You're right, Tomoyo, we are dumb" I rose from the floor and ran to retrieve my cellphone from upstairs.

Returning I searched through my contacts for his number, "Stupid, stupid, stupid. I would be the one to delete it after we broke up" I tossed the phone to Tomoyo in frustration.

"Sakura, we both know that you memorized it the minute he asked you out"

"Yeah, but he changed it not too long ago" I sighed.

"& you don't remember it at all?"

"Well…"

"It's worth a shot" she said, handing the phone back to me.

I shook my head and pushed it back towards her, "You dial it for me"

Tomoyo nodded and waited for me to recall the numbers.

"OK! 539….c'mon Sakura, think." I racked my brain for the missing numbers.

"Did it remind you of anything? Your anniversary? Maybe your birthdays?"

I thought back to one of the last time Syaoran called me. I usually didn't answer calls from numbers I didn't know and just let them go to voicemail but…this one looked familiar somehow.

_"Hello, this is Sakura speaking"_

_"Yes, I'd like to order 3 large pizzas and a small—"_

_"I'm sorry; I think you have the wrong numb….wait…SYAORAN? Is that you? "_  
><em>His laughter filled the line and I laughed along with him.<em>

_"I guess I can't pull that trick off anymore" he chuckled._

_"Fooled me once, shame on me, fool me twice? Never" I grinned. "So you changed your number again?"_

_"Yeah, but I really like this one. If you look at it, it's our birthdays but kind of reversed."_

_I looked at the number displayed on the screen, 539-014-1307. "Oh! I get what you mean. That's pretty cool"_

_"Yeah, I guess. It's not as cool as me though" he mentioned in a matter-of-fact tone._

_"Someone's is awfully full of himself today! Good news?" I comment. His tone of voice was that of a young boy as he told me about his day. It was like we were back in high school all over again._

"539…014…1307" I finished as I brought myself back from my memory. That was the day he'd been given a chance to open for a really cool band on their short tour through a few towns. After that, our phone calls became shorter and less frequent because of his busy schedule. He was gaining popularity and was opening for more and more bands and auditioning every chance it got but…there just wasn't much time to talk anymore.

The ring of the phone brought me out of my thoughts, after 3 tones there was a chime and the sudden increase of excitement within heart came crashing down.

"_I'm sorry, the person you are trying to reach—Syaoran Li—has either disconnected or changed this number. No forwarding number is available. Have a nice day"_

All of the hope I'd built up in these last couple of hours ended with that phone call and I rolled back over onto my back.

"It's hopeless, Tomoyo. Fate is obviously playing a cruel joke on me and doesn't really want me to find him"

Tomoyo reached over and brushed the bangs out of my face. "I don't think that at all. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be and I KNOW that this was meant to be…you just have to keep on fighting and—" her hand hovered above my head as an idea struck her.

I looked up to see a mischievous look in her eyes. "Tomoyo…what are you thinking?" rising from my spot, I scooped up baby Yuki in my lap as protection for whatever crazy plan she was cooking up. I continued to stare at her curiously as she rose from her spot.

"Ok! Just hear me out before you say no or call me crazy." she picked up the envelope again and held it up to face me. "We can clearly make out the city that this is from, right? All we have to do is go over there and—"

"And end up on a wild goose chase? Tomoyo that's just reckless! We wouldn't even know where to start looking" I raised my voice.

"Yes we would! You said it a while back that he was making quite a name for himself, right? I'm sure SOMEONE in that town knows him and can help us find him. It's worth a shot. You've got 3 months" Her tone switched from playful to very meaningful in a matter of seconds.

Yuki looked up at the both of us curiously, her eyes switching between the two of us. I sighed, "What do you think we should do, little one?"

There was a brief moment of silence before Yuki erupted into a cheer, clapping her little hands together in applause. Tomoyo reached over and scooped her up into the air. "That's my girl! You tell aunty Sakura how exciting this adventure is going to be. I wish you could come with us"

I rolled my eyes and laughed at their exchange. Tomoyo continued to compliment the little girl who continued to cheer and clap for praise.

"You win again, Tomoyo" I said defeated for the second time today.

"Then it's settled. We leave the day after graduation!" she said triumphantly.

'_It's for your happiness, Sakura.' _I thought to myself as the reality of the situation floated within my mind, not yet taking hold.

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><p><strong>AN: How was that? I'd really like to know what you think! Chapter 3 is in the works~*<strong>

**I don't think i'll update TMT & BF on the same day like I did today but I'll try to keep the updates more consistent than I usually do :). Til next time!**

**Always, **

**SyneaK. **


	3. Happy

**AN: Hi there! I was super excited to start writing the next chapters soo I've been working at it all day. I've got so much floating around in my head but my fingers just aren't typing fast enough :P. But I just wanted to clarify one thing though before you start reading: **

**No one mentioned anything and I'm not sure how prominent they'll be in the story but it'll bother me if I don't say anything! Touya and Sakura are about 4 years apart in this story soooo a timeline in terms of Sakura/Touya/Kaho/Yuki:**

**Touya met/began dating Kaho while he was a senior in college & Sakura a senior in high school. They married 6 months after that (Sakura started college) & after 3 months of marriage Yuki was born 9 months later (Sakura's sophomore year), Yuki turned 1 during Sakura's Junior year and will be 2 a few months after Sakura graduates! ~_~. I hope that didn't confuse anyone but I had to write it out for my own sanity lol. I fixed any reference of it in the 2****nd**** chapter.**

**_SKdiaz: _Thanks for the critique! I've realized before that I don't put punctuation within my quotes haha. They just look really weird to me when I do but I'm going to try to work through that!.  
><strong>

**Thank you _deadflo, SKdiaz & James Birdsong_ for the reviews! & thank you to everyone who is subscribin****g! :) **

**Enjoy reading! & don't forget to review!**

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><p>Summary: Sakura comes across a CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, Sakura sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and makes one last attempt at the less than ordinary life she's dreamed of.<p>

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><p>Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CCS and its characters! I also do not know any of the song titles &amp; lyrics within this story. I DO own this plot and any original characters I decide to put in here.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: Happy<br>**_I can't stand by the side and watch this life pass me by. So unhappy—but safe as could be…_"_Happy" – Leona Lewis_

"Say cheese!"

My mouth was beginning to hurt and I swear I would have a permanent smile stretched onto my face by the time the day was over. I looked over to Tomoyo who held the same exhausted expression, masked by a semi-permanent smile.

"Just one more, honey. I promise!"

"Of course, dad!" I smiled up at Fujitaka Kinomoto, the heart of my family. My mother passed away when I was only 3 and so he had to take on the role of super-dad and fast. With an almost adolescent son and a toddler, I don't know how he managed to take care of us and continue to work at the University but he did and for that I'm forever grateful. It was hard at times though. I had questions and of course he always couldn't provide me with the answers that I wanted to hear but he did his best.

Aunt Sonami, Tomoyo's mother, was always there to help out when she could, especially with the more feminine situations like shopping, getting my hair done, and of course boys. Tomoyo lost her father at a younger age than I was when I'd lost my mother and so aunt Sonami managed to raise Tomoyo and still run a multi-national corporation all on her own. She was and still is the definition of a super-woman and we couldn't have asked for better guardian figures in our lives.

Tomoyo and I stepped up onto our tippy toes and planted a kiss on both of his cheeks as the camera flashed.

"I'm so proud of you both" he said, giving us a quick squeeze before walking over to Touya who was looking through the pictures he'd just taken.

"I don't know how we're going to make it through the evening, Tomoyo." I slipped the graduation cap from my head and placed it in my lap.

She laughed and grabbed my hand, "Together, that's how!" she gave a bright smile and I laughed.

"Smile, girls!"

"No more, Kaho! My face hurts." I pleaded. My sister-in-law gave a small chuckle and sat down on the couch next to me, placing the camera in her lap.

"It's what happens when you graduate," she teased. "I still can't believe how fast time has flown. I remember when you were just a little freshman!" Kaho exclaimed, giving me a quick hug.

"It really does fly. You and Touya were made for each other! I wouldn't be surprised if Yuki followed in your footsteps." I gestured towards the camera in her lap.

She smiled, "If only. She's actually become quite fond of singing. Looks like she's taking after her aunty Sakura instead."

"I hope that's the only thing our daughter gets from the squirt."

Touya stood over us and quickly took a picture.

"You're lucky I'm too tired to move, big brother." I playfully threatened. The laughter spread like a small wildfire within our group and any exhaustion I'd felt before turned to a feeling of calm and peacefulness.

Graduation lasted from 9:00 until 11. My father and aunt Sonami surprised us this morning by taking us out to a quick breakfast and Touya, Kaho and Yuki were already holding seats for the ceremony by the time we arrived at the school. It seemed like the second I finally had a chance to catch my breath or even just blink the ceremony was over and we were back at the apartment. Just the 7 of us celebrating together. We'd just finished dinner and dessert and decided to take a few more pictures.

"So have you told your dad yet?" Tomoyo whispered as Touya and Kaho left to check on Yuki. I shook my head, "The timing hasn't been right and Touya's always around. If he even hears me mention Syaoran's name he'll have a fit."

"That's true…but you have to tell them somehow. We're supposed to be leaving tomorrow. Unless you're all for keeping secrets because I swear I'll make up the best excuse and-"

I shook my head before she could finish "Nope! I'm going to be honest with them. Plus, it's not like I'm putting aside all of my plans, I'm just taking a little extra time to myself before I jump into 'life'"

Tomoyo gave an affirmative nod with a complacent smile, "I can't believe we're done."

"And I can't believe that we won't be living together after all of this" I said sadly. The thought of being without Tomoyo was comparable to having only one shoe.

"You'll only be a couple of hours away and at least we get to have one last Sakura-Tomoyo adventure before all that sets in so let's not think about it" she cheered. I lay my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. "I still don't know where I would be without you, Tomoyo" we stayed this way for a few moments. Time certainly was flying by way too fast.

"Hey, Sakura! Can you come here for a minute?"

I looked around to see where my dad's voice was coming from. "I think he went upstairs" Tomoyo mentioned. I nodded and headed up the steps, passing aunt Sonami as she made her way to take my spot next to Tomoyo.

I found my dad in my room, looking at the various pictures that I'd left out on my dresser. Boxes were stacked upon the back wall and the closet door was open, revealing my nearly empty wardrobe. He picked up a picture of our entire family. My father stood in the middle with me on his shoulders, spreading my arms out wide. My mother, Nadeshiko Kinomoto, stood beautifully to the left of him holding the hand of a 5 year old Touya who stood in front of my dad, finalized the picture with a funny face.

"That was the day we all went to the beach, right?" I commented, peeking over his shoulder. He turned to me with a sad smile, "She would have been so proud of you. I'm really happy to be the father of such wonderful kids…well, young adults." He pulled me into a tight embrace. "Aww dad, Thank you. But Touya and I are definitely the lucky ones to have such a great father like you."

"It's too bad I didn't get the little brother that I'd always wished for."

I instinctively turned my head and glared at Touya who was standing in the doorframe with Yuki in his arms. "But he probably would have never been as cool as you, little sister" he said with a smirk, patting me on the head. The three of us laughed comfortably, Yuki let out a loud cheer and clapped her little hands together, adding to our small streak of laughter.

I sat down on the bed and played patty cake with Yuki while Touya inspected his camera.

"I really am proud of the both of you."

I looked up from blowing kisses at Yuki and smiled at my father. "We couldn't have done it without you, dad."

"Ahem, I too would like a little praise for helping to raise you." Aunt Sonami entered the room with a sheepish smile, Tomoyo followed behind.

I laughed, "Of course, aunty! Between you and Tomoyo, I don't know who's dressed me the most over the years," I stood from the bed and gave her a hug. Yuki laughed with joy being squished between us. "Thank you for everything." I whispered to her, pulling away.

"It was my pleasure and a promise I'd made to your mother." she smiled.

"Speaking of," my father interrupted as he removed something from his back pocket. "We wanted to give this to you. It's from all of us." he handed me the thin rectangular object that was wrapped in a beautiful, pink foil and joined the others. I looked up at my friends and family that stood opposite me and back down to the gift. "Aww you guys, you really didn't have to get me anything." I said anxiously.

I shifted Yuki to the side of me while fingers steadily un-wrapped the foil revealing a long shaped box underneath. I looked over at Tomoyo who waved her hands forward, mouthing the words "open it".

Pulling the lid off of the cream colored box, I was speechless. Attached to a sparkling gold chain was a small heart pendant, wings sprouting from the sides of it and alongside the necklace was a pair of matching gold heart shaped earrings. I gently picked up the necklace and held it out in front of my eyes. It was the same pendant that I'd seen countless times in photographs of my mother. The chain was newer and the earrings were new as well but the pendant I knew was the same. I'd studied it so often when I was little, trying to memorize every bit of detail of my mother.

"Preeetttyy" Yuki voiced. Her words brought me back from my trance-like state and I looked over at my family. Kaho had joined the room sometime while I was opening the gift. They all held the same expression of love and I felt like the luckiest girl to have been chosen to be a part of their lives.

"I found the pendant in one of your mother's old jewelry boxes and your aunt Sonami knew someone who would be able to fix it up and make it shine again. Your brother and Kaho bought a new gold chain and Tomoyo designed the earrings and personally hand painted the colors"

I looked from my father to each of my remaining family members and then back to the beautiful pieces of jewelry in my hands.

"Thank you all so much," I managed to finally say. My words nearly caught in my throat and the tears sat, wavering on the brim of my eyes.

"I don't know what to say."

"It's alright, Sakura. You don't have to say anything! Just know that we love you very much." Tomoyo said, joining me on the bed and scooping my Yuki into her lap. Touya made his way to the other side and slipped the necklace from my fingers. "No matter what, we'll always be here for you. Just like this chain, our family is strong. You'll always have a place to call home." I lifted my hair as he clasped the necklace around the back of my neck.

"You're ready to set off into the real world now, champ!" he gave me a pat on the back. I wiped the few tears from my eyes before grinning happily.

Tomoyo sat up from the bed, with Yuki hanging onto her side and slipped the little girl into Touya's waiting arms.

"Speaking of the real world, Sakura and I would like to tell you guys something! Isn't that right, Sakura?"

My eyes bolted towards Tomoyo, alarmed. I quickly joined her on the other side of the room and turned her so that our backs were facing the waiting eyes. "Give us a second, please." I nervously announced to them over my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I whispered harshly.

"I thought it would be better if we told everyone now since they're all together!" she explained innocently.

"You could have warned me, you know" I muttered, rolling my eyes and turning back to our guests.

"Well then! Uh…like Tomoyo said, we, well—I—have a slight change of plans for tomorrow" I mindlessly played with the pendant that hung around my neck, searching for the right words to say.

"So, I'm sure you all remember Syaoran, right?"

"The brat? I thought you broke up with him." Touya squinted his eyes.

"Touya! Watch what you say. Honestly, I kind of liked him. He was always so polite & he was pursing music, right?" Kaho interjected.

"Whatever." he grumbled in response, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes. Well anyways! So I received this letter from him. Well, actually it was a mixed-cd that he recorded a letter onto since he used to always send me mixed CDs while he was away and so he was apologizing and-"

"What Sakura is _trying_ to say is that Syaoran invited her to watch him perform and help him record a few songs on his first CD!" Tomoyo exclaimed through my nonsensical explanation. Good thing too because my rambling was probably confusing everyone.

"We were going to leave tomorrow and spend a few weeks over there before I completely move everything to-"

"That's just stupid."

My words faded midsentence and I, along with everyone else in the room, turned our attention to Touya. He held an angered expression on his face as he continued to speak, "That brat left you, Sakura and you're just going to run back to him?"

"No! I-It's not that. I just-"

"He's not good for you. Don't pretend like I didn't see you every time you came to visit. You were miserable and depressed. Do you want to go through that again?"

"No, Touya. It's just something that I have to do! Just list-"

"You have such a great future ahead of you, Sakura! Why are you going to throw it away for worthless son of a—"

"Touya, that's enough!" It was my father who spoke, his voice resounding throughout the small quarters.

Kaho removed herself from the room with a polite "excuse me", Yuki nervously trembling in her arms. Sonami stood at my father's side, her eyes closed in what looked like meditation.

"Whatever, Sakura, if you want to go ahead and ruin all of your hard work for him, I won't be around to say 'I told you so' when it all comes crashing down again." with his final words, he left the room. I heard him quickly pack up his things before closing the front door. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence and I embraced myself. Wrapping my arms across my chest I leaned on the nearest wall for support. Tears flowed silently from my eyes and Tomoyo placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry." she started.

"It's ok, it's not your fault." I smiled feebly.

"Sakura,"

I looked up at my father as he approached me from across the room. "Honey, I know you've got a good head on your shoulders and I trust you but—"

"What your father is trying to say," Sonami walked over to us with a faint smile upon her lips, "is just be careful & we love you very much. No matter what happens, don't be afraid to come home if you have to." she placed a hand upon my father's shoulder and gently squeezed it.

"Same goes for you, my daughter." Sonami winked towards Tomoyo. The four of us embraced, quietly enjoying these last peaceful moments together before the evening settled.

There was a tug at my leg and I looked down to see little Yuki grinning up at me. "Baby girl, I thought you went home!" I said excitedly, scooping her into the air. She let out a playful laugh as I brought her back down to my chest.

"She wouldn't let us leave without saying goodbye to her favorite aunty."

Kaho stood in the doorframe, her arms folded across her chest and a smile upon her face.

"We're going to head out now, dear. Call us tomorrow before you leave."

I shifted my attention back to my father and Aunty Sonami. Tomoyo and I said our goodbyes as they exited my room. Kaho made her way over and sat down on the bed.

"I'll go walk them out!" Tomoyo offered, leaving me alone with my sister-in-law.

"I'm really sorry about him." she apologized. I let Yuki down onto the floor and she waddled off to a box along the wall that contained some of my old stuffed animals.

"It's nothing I'm not used to. I did live with him for forever." I shrugged. There was a light atmosphere in the air and I was really glad that we were able to speak. I'd always loved talking to Kaho. Besides Tomoyo, she was the closest thing I had to a big sister and from day one she would stand up for me if Touya ever got out of line.

"I know. He's just worried, that's all. He'll come around."

I gave an understanding nod, my fingers trailing along the key pendant around my neck. Unexpectedly she leaned over and enwrapped me in a short embrace. "Don't lose sight of your happiness. If he still means something to you, don't let him go so easily." she whispered before rising to claim her daughter from the corner.

"Plus, I can't wait to hear that CD of his. I'm sure your voices will sound great together."

I laughed nervously. I'd almost forgotten about the lie that Tomoyo made up. I'd have to yell at her about that later.

"Oh, no, honey. We have to go." Kaho said to a squealing Yuki. She was holding onto a light orange stuffed-lion with wings.

"mine!...mine!" she continued to shout as Kaho removed the toy from her hands and placed it back in the box.

"She can keep it!" I offered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah…if it makes her happy." I smiled.

Kaho picked the toy back up and handed it to her daughter who cuddle closer to it. "The angry monster is still waiting downstairs in the car so we're going to head out now. Say bye bye to aunty Sakura, Yuki!"

"Byebye!" Yuki waved. I leaned in and planted a kiss upon her nose. "Goodbye little one. I love you!"

I walked behind Kaho down the stairs and held the front door open for her. Tomoyo returned from the driveway as our parents drove away.

"I'll keep you posted on everything. Thank you again. & Give him a hug for me ok?" I whispered to my sister-in-law as we hugged once more.

"Will do." she replied before turning to walk towards her waiting husband. I waved at Yuki who swung her new stuffed animal wildly through the air. "Bye, Yuki!" Tomoyo shouted after her with a wave.

Their car disappeared around the corner and the street lights began to flicker on. Tomoyo and I returned to our apartment and fell onto the couches.

"What an eventful evening, I'd have to say." Tomoyo commented.

"Definitely." I agreed, reclining further into the couch.

We sat in silence like this until the last flicker of sunlight disappeared from view. I stood to turn on one of the overhead lights.

"I guess we should clean up a little before we get some sleep!" Tomoyo rose from the sofa chair and made her way into the kitchen.

"Mhm!" I wordlessly agreed, taking an empty plastic bag and collecting the various cups and plates from around the room.

It was sort of bittersweet that this would be one of the last times that we would clean up the apartment together. Not that cleaning was fun or everything but it sort of felt symbolic for this last part of the chapter in my life. Just how I was cleaning the apartment, I would be cleaning up any lose ends that may have been scattered during this time period. By loose ends, of course, I mean things with Syaoran. He was really the only thing that was left unresolved and after receiving motivation from Tomoyo and Kaho and support from our parents, I was determined to figure out just where he fit in my life…if he even still fit in it at all.

With the apartment now in a presentable manner Tomoyo and I stumbled up the stairs, a thought occurring to me once again.

"Hey Tomoyo,"

"hm?"

"How come you told everyone that Syaoran and I were recording a CD together?" I remained in her doorframe as she continued into her room.

"I figured telling them that would be more justifiable than saying that you're basically going on a wild goose chase to find your ex-boyfriend, that you haven't spoken with in 5 months, who may or may not live in a town you happened to be able to read through a smudged address on an envelope." she shrugged. Her explanation was flawlessly simple.

"I see. Yeah, your plan sounds way better. I'll see you in the morning then. Goodnight!" I quietly closed her door and made my way to my bedroom.

The walls were now completely bare and the only real color was that of my bed sheets and the few pictures that still remained on my dresser top.

I carefully removed the necklace from around my neck and placed it back in its box with the earrings. Continuing my nighttime routine, I quickly brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed into more comfortable clothes before climbing into bed. I stared into space, patiently waiting to complete the final part. Turning over on my side, I reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out the familiar picture. The clock beside me glowed 11:11 in bright neon green and I closed my eyes.

I didn't wish for his safety tonight. Instead I was selfish. I placed the photo on top of the nightstand and rolled onto my side, closing my eyes using the last few seconds of consciousness to silently wish one more time.

'_I really hope that I'm making the right choice. I wish to just be happy'_

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><p><strong>AN: Just a little bit of drama. I really hope you enjoyed reading and hopefully I can update again soon :). Thanks again for reading! <strong>

Always,

SyneaK.


	4. Breakeven

**AN: Hi there! :) **

**Not too much to say but thank you for the reviews and story alerts! I got all stuck in Breaking Free writing mode and had to take a few days to get back in the groove for The MixedTape before writing this chapter. I changed up the Point of View too. I was really debating whether or not I wanted to tell parts of the story from Syaoran's POV but I realized I had to if I wanted to get things across in a better way. We'll see how it turns out. This chapter turned out to be twice as long as the others! o_o. **

**Oh! So I find myself listening to the "soundtrack" of this story when i'm writing or just...all the time...so I thought I could include the songs in the beginning in case you wanted to listen along too. **

**This chapter is obviously titled after "Breakeven" By The Script. **

**Sakura's songs: "If This Was A Movie" & "Back To December" - Taylor Swift**

**Syaoran's song: "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye **

**Don't forget to let me know your thoughts, concerns, questions, & suggestions! :) **

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><p>Summary: Sakura comes across a mixed CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, she sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and make one last attempt at the less than ordinary life she's always dreamed of.<p>

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><p>Disclaimer: Of course I don't own CCS and the characters! I also do not own any of the song titles &amp; lyrics within this story. I DO own this plot and any original characters I decide to put in here.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – Breakeven<strong>

_When a heart breaks, no it don't break even – "Breakeven" The Script_

There were three things that we found out quickly after being in the city for just one day. For one thing, Syaoran Li ventured here very often; Second, he'd made quite the name for himself as an up and coming musician so it was easy to find some leads; and third, this new found star status made it almost impossible to reach out to him.

But here he was-right in front of me, staring me straight in the eye and the only thing that stood between us was this flat screen television….the 2 and a half miles from this hotel to the studio, the countless fans that stood in the crowd below the television station, the security guards, and not to mention the 6 floors that were below the main recording studio. OK, so there was a lot in my way.

His voice hadn't changed at all, neither did his looks. He hadn't grown much taller but he did look like he'd been hitting up the gym in the last year. He still ran his hands through his unruly almond-colored hair whenever he was nervous and his eyes…his eyes still shown brightly whenever he talked about his passion. The same amount of passion that I'd see whenever he looked me in the eyes when we were together. His personality on the other hand—he'd definitely gained more confidence and charm. The way the interviewer had her eyes glued to him and the way she constantly touched his arm as she asked him question was downright unprofessional but no one seemed to notice or mind for that matter. He'd managed to charm the entire city.

I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, unable to watch him anymore. I'd already muted the TV minutes ago because his voice was starting to get to me. "Why did I decide to go through with this?"

"Because you love to see me happy and seeing you happy makes me happy." Tomoyo said cheerfully, closing the door behind her as she re-entered our hotel room. Room? I meant to say suite. Tomoyo really knew how to take an adventure to the next extreme. There would be no sleeping in some old random motel or catching busses, or hailing down taxis. She'd managed to find us a suite in the most well-known hotel with enough room to house 8 of our closest friends. Of course she paid for all of the expenses—without my consent—and called it a graduation present to us. She also managed to hire 2 drivers for the entirety of our trip so we wouldn't have to worry about how we would get around town. Leave it to Tomoyo to take the grit out of this journey.

She walked across the room and pulled open the curtains, "Why are you being all depressed and gloomy? It's a beautiful day outside." She exclaimed, the sunlight cascading into the room. Grabbing a pillow, I shoved it over my head—I did not want to partake in this beautiful day. I honestly just wanted to run back to our little apartment and spend my remaining break curled up in a ball, watching old re-runs and guiltily eating pounds of junk food. I wanted to be away from his lavish hotel suite, away from this unknown city and away from Syaoran Li. Ok, so that last part wasn't true. I wanted more than anything to just sit down and talk to him but just the thought of his name made my heart race and it wasn't a feeling that I was comfortable with. In the last year, I'd gained full control of my emotions—at least that's what I made myself believe.

Turns out I was wrong. The minute we stepped into this city yesterday morning, my emotions went haywire. Every time I turned a corner, I thought he would be there. Every guy with brown hair that crossed the street resembled him. I was completely on edge and I had every reason to be. I was the one that had ended the relationship in the first place and although he did send me that mixedtape letter, things would definitely be different now. 6 months can do a lot to a person.

I sighed, defeated, as the light sill found its way into my pillow helmet and I sat up in the bed. Luckily, there was a commercial on and so I wouldn't have to see _him_.

"Tomoyo, am I crazy?" I looked over to my best friend who was busy setting up plates and glasses for lunch. Finally giving into my pleas to spend no further money on anything from this expensive hotel, she agreed to go find something quick and simple. She opened the cartons of fried rice and place a few egg rolls on the center plate.

"Of course not. I know you're worried about how all of this will turn out but remember It's not about what's waiting on the other side…it's the climb!" She smiled.

I rolled my eyes, "Tomoyo, stop quoting cheesy song lyrics. I just feel like a stalker or one of his crazy fans. I mean—yesterday we spent the entire afternoon asking random people about him. They all certainly thought we were crazy"

Tomoyo giggled, "Mainly because he's a big name in this city. Everyone here knows about him and his life. The only reason they thought we were crazy was because we had no clue."

I stood from the bed and walked over to the window.

"I guess it's weird when you go from knowing every little detail about someone and feeling special about it…to then knowing absolutely nothing about them and being the only one." I was a little jealous of these people. From our view, I could see the TV station, the little moving ants were the people crowding around just to get a glimpse of their idol. He would only continue to grow. His fame would spread from this city to every city in the nation and then every city in the world and where would I be through all this?

I shook my head and smiled, "But after all of this—I want to be there to see him flourish. Even if it's just as a friend." I suddenly felt confident that everything would go as planned. Though a slight uneasy feeling still sat in my stomach, I slowly let something else rise to the surface, the emotions that I'd been suppressing in this last year. I missed him terribly and I wanted him to know it. I wanted him to know that I still think about him, that I still wish him well and that as much as it goes against all that I've been fighting to leave behind—I still lo-

My thoughts were cut short by a rhythmic tapping on the suite door.

"I'll get it!" Tomoyo sang while skipping towards the front of the room.

I looked curiously at the smile that dance upon her lips, "Tomoyo, who's here?"

She looked back at me with a wink, "You'll see!" and with that, she opened the door.

He stood just a few inches above Tomoyo, and his dark hair sat neatly atop his head. His eyes sparkled beneath his glasses and a his lips formed into a smirk at the sight of my expression. Tomoyo stood to the side as he entered and closed the door behind him.

My eyes widened in surprise and excitement to see Eriol Hiragizawa standing in our hotel suite.

It had been nearly 4 years since we'd seen him last. The 3 of us were inseparable in High School so it broke our hearts to know that after graduation, he would be leaving to study at a University in England. We kept in touch for a couple of years but of course, life stepped in the way.

I made my way across the room and engulfed him into a friendly embrace.

"Surprise!" Tomoyo cheered gleefully.

"There goes that camera again." Eriol mumbled. Out the corner of my eye, I spied Tomoyo with her camera recording our reunion.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, pulling away from him and dragging him to the other side of the room. It was then that I finally noticed the place settings that Tomoyo had laid out for 3 rather than 2.

"Well, I actually work here. I graduated last year and after working for a year within a hotel chain in England, I was offered a general manager position for one that was opening up back here so…I jumped at the offer!"

"I ran into him just a little bit ago when I went to grab food! What a coincidence, right?" Tomoyo continued to smile.

I nodded, "That's so great to hear, Eriol! I'm so proud of you!" It was true. Honestly out of the 3 of us, he and Tomoyo seemed to have their lives on track. I, on the other hand, would need a couple more years to figure out just what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.

"I came here to celebrate with you two!" he raised a brown paper bag in his right hand, the champagne bottle peaking out the top.

I looked from Eriol to Tomoyo suspiciously. "Celebrate what exactly?" I backed away from them cautiously. These two were notorious for plotting against me so I had every right to keep my eyes open . Everything they did was for my own good in the end but reaching the end goal was never simple with them.

Eriol pulled out a bottle of champagne from the bag and prepared to pop the cork. He looked back at Tomoyo and they nodded simultaneously.

"To celebrate your reunion this evening with Syaoran!" she threw her hands up into the air just as the cork flew out of the bottle.

"Surprise!" they yelled together, laughing as the overflow from the bottle poured into their clumsily held champagne flutes.

I failed to share in their enthusiasm. "And just how is that supposed to happen?" I asked incredulously. "Do you not see THAT?" I pointed towards the TV as the camera showed the large crowd of fans that still continued to surrounded the television station.

Tomoyo waved her hand as if to brush my thoughts aside. "Sakura, Sakura. Eriol here is practically Syaoran's best friend."

"What?"

Eriol simply nodded. "I met him about six months ago when he first got here. It was right after an audition for the music company that he's working with now, actually. Poor guy was falling asleep at the bar. He wasn't drunk or anything, just a little depressed."

My heart dropped. I knew exactly which night he was referring to and I frowned guiltily, "I think that was the night that we broke up." I whispered.

Tomoyo and Eriol exchanged glances. "It's ok. After tonight, none of that will matter." Eriol gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze and smiled reassuringly. I always believed Eriol. If he said things would be ok, things would be ok. He just had that sureness about life.

Tomoyo clapped her hands together loudly, breaking the somber mood.

"So! Let's eat and figure out what song you'll sing tonight!"

That brought me back from whatever dark place I was and took me into an even darker one. I looked at her as if she was a wild woman, "Singing?" I definitely didn't come here prepared to sing and I definitely wasn't prepared to sing in front of my super-star ex-boyfriend.

"Yeah! Eriol says he'll be able to get you an audition for this new show they're going to be filming soon. It's the first season so it won't be nationally broadcasted or anything but if the ratings are high enough, season 2 most definitely will be." At this point, I'd already blocked her out. My mind was racing. As crazy as all of it sounded and as mad as I thought I was, the only thing I could think of was that I had the perfect song that I wanted to sing. Well, two songs actually, but I think I could work it out so that they fit together to get my message across.

"Did you hear me?" Tomoyo snapped her fingers in front of me, causing me to flinch back.

"Ok, ok. Yeah I heard you!"

"So you're ok with all of this?" she asked unbelievingly. I nodded and sat down at the table. Believe me, I was hungry but I'd lost my appetite. She let out another excited cheer and took her seat next to me. Eriol handed me a glass of champagne and took the seat on the other side. "To special reunions!" he toasted, holding his glass up in the air. I took a deep breath and did the same. "No turning back now!" I said under my breath before tossing back the drink.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The audition was a lot different from the one I'd been to just a few months ago. A lot calmer and much more organized. Granted, there were only 11 of us performing so I expected it to be a lot simpler. Originally there were only supposed to be 10 people auditioning but sure enough, Eriol had managed the impossible. As soon as we arrived at the television station we were allowed access in and shown to the waiting room of the auditorium where the other acts waited with a friend or just by themselves. Unlike myself though, I was sure that these people were informed of this audition at least a day or two in advance. I was lucky that I'd even brought my guitar with me on this crazy trip. Tomoyo had convinced me to bring it just in case and much like any other situation between us, I wasn't allowed to say no. I spent the remainder of the day putting the two songs that I wanted to sing together. I wrote them both a few months back just before the last audition.

The way this one worked was that we were all auditioning to fill the 2 last remaining spots for one of the 3 celebrity mentors. The spots were previously filled but the two competitors turned out to be unqualified so the network took to asking for personal references. By tomorrow, one boy and one girl would be chosen and I was crossing my fingers that the girl chosen would be me. And if I wasn't chosen…at least I still had a chance of seeing Syaoran tonight.

I held my breath at the sound of my name being called. A young girl with a headset and clipboard stood at the door that would lead to the stage. "I'm here." I stood, raising my hand. She nodded and motioned for me to follow her into the hallway. I was the last one to audition.

"Do your best, Sakura!" Tomoyo whispered as we hugged. Eriol had to go back to work but he said he'd meet back with us later tonight when we returned to the hotel. I grabbed my guitar and slung it over my shoulder and made my way to the door.

"You must really have some inside connections to have gotten this audition in such a short amount of time." The girl started, as we walked down the hall. "Mhm." I replied quietly. I didn't know how to answer her because honestly I didn't even know how Eriol had gotten me the audition on such late notice.

We walked into the open backstage area. It certainly was a lot larger than the one from the last audition.

"Keisuke? I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were still back here. You're free to go!" The girl said cheerfully.

The person name Keisuke walked towards us, an electric guitar slung over his shoulders.

"Sorry about that, I'd actually gone through the wrong door at first so I had to backtrack." He smiled at the girl before turning his attention to me.

"Well what do you know, the out-of-towner! Didn't think I'd run into you again."

The girl looked from me to Keisuke, quizzically. I too gave him the same quizzical expression although he did look a little familiar.

"Ouch. To think that I believed you would remember me for giving you the extra whipped cream on top of your milkshake." He said, realizing my lack of recognition.

"Oh! You were the one that helped us out at the diner, right?" I nearly shouted as I recalled just when I'd met him. When Tomoyo and I had first arrived in town, we were lucky to have spotted a poster of Syaoran's face plastered on the wall outside of a diner after 3 hours of trying to figure out what to do so we decided to go inside to find out what the workers knew about him. He'd been our server and our first source of information. We told him that we were from out of town and asked if what the poster outside was about. After that, he told us about how much Syaoran had grown in popularity because of his music and that there was a rumor that he'd be in town later that day. But why was he here now?

"Sakura, right?"

I was brought back from my thoughts and nodded. "And you're Keisuke, obviously. I'm sorry about not remembering you at first, it's been a long day." I laughed, extending my hand to shake his. Truthfully, I was just terrible at remembering names and at the time that we'd met, the only name that I was interested in hearing about was Syaoran's.

"So do you work here too?" I asked curiously.

Before he could answer, the girl with the clipboard butted in loudly "Are you crazy? He's auditioning. He couldn't make the earlier auditions so I referred him for these. Keisuke is one of the best performers out there. I think he may even be better than Syaoran." She said sharply and gave Keisuke a wink. Someone was obviously a groupie, I thought with a slight roll of my eyes. Even I knew that no one could be better than Syaoran. The amount of time and dedication that Syaoran put into his music couldn't be trumped.

"Hisae, you're makin' me blush. She's over exaggerating. Syaoran is a legend with his guitar. I couldn't reach his level even if I tried my hardest." Keisuke replied modestly. Hisae scoffed, "If you say so. Everyone knows that Syaoran wouldn't have been where he is today if it wasn't for Meiling Rae. The minute he got with her, his name became so much bigger."

The world suddenly stopped spinning. My world, to be exact. Did she say that Syaoran was with someone?

"Hisae! You really shouldn't listen to those rumors. Syaoran is a talented musician and he's where he is because of that."

"Who's Meiling Rae?" I blurted out suddenly. Hisae turned to face me as if she' d forgotten that I was here in the first place. "She's only one of the best up and coming international singers! Where have you been, under a rock?"

I was really starting to dislike this girl with every passing second.

"Hisae, that's enough. Sakura, don't worry about anything. Just do your best out there, ok?" he said placing his hands on my shoulders unexpectedly. I took a step back and shifted the weight of my guitar. The tension in this current moment was thick. I simply nodded with a small smile. Hisae took hold of my elbow and led me towards the stage, "Whatever Keisuke. Come on, Ms. Kinamoto, we're already behind schedule." She said as she continued to forcefully lead me in the other direction. I took a quick glance back at Keisuke who gave a small wave before he left the room.

"Look, now pay attention." Hisae stopped walking abruptly. This girl was really something else.

"When you get out there, you won't see anyone. They'll be watching you from the skybox. And there's no need to introduce yourself, since they already know who you are. Just start your song and when you're done, just leave."

Well that didn't sound right. I thought it was always polite to introduce yourself and to say thank you before leaving but…she did work here and I didn't want to waste their time. I nodded curtly and with that she turned and left. I watched her retreating figure for a moment before walking through the curtains.

The name Meiling Rae resounded in my mind as I made my way to the center of the stage where a small stool sat in the center of the spotlight. If what she said about Syaoran and Meiling was true then there really as no reason for me to be here but…I had hope that it was all just a rumor.

The stage was a lot larger than the one I'd auditioned on just a few months ago. It was a little intimidating, actually but I took a deep breath and took my place on the stool. Slightly, adjusting my strap I closed my eyes and concentrated on my emotions. If I wanted to win, I had to channel everything I'd felt back when I wrote the songs. It was just 2 months after the break up so everything had been fresh. Taking a deep breath I began the melody.

_Last night I heard my own heart beating_

_Sounded like footsteps on my stairs_

_6 months gone and I'm still reaching even though I know you're not there_

Emotions seeped into me. There was so much regret in these word and I'd changed the lyrics a little to fit the current situation and time.

_I was playing back a thousand memories baby, thinking about everything we'd been through_

_Maybe I've been going back too much lately when time stood still and I had you_

I opened my eyes and looked towards the skybox. If he was in there, watching right now, he would know just how I was feeling. I would make sure of that.

_Come back, come back, come back to me like_

_You would, you would if this was a movie _

_Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out _

_Come back, come back, come back to me like_

_You would, you would if I just said I'm sorry_

_I know that we could work it out somehow_

_But if this was a movie you'd be here by now_

I continued to strum the melody and smiled sadly. When I'd written that song, it was at the point where I wanted so badly just to call him and tell him that I take back everything I said. Logically thinking, I just couldn't bring myself to do it though. I didn't want to get sucked back into the same routine only to end up hurt once again. The second song, I'd written was an instance of what would happen if we ever ran into each other again.

_& I'm so glad you made time to see me_

_How's life? Tell me, how's your family?_

_I haven't seen them in a while_

_You've been good—busier than ever_

_Small talk, work and the weather_

_Your guard is up and I know why_

_Because the last time you saw me still burned in the back of your mind_

_You gave me roses and I left them there to die_

I stood from the stool and looked back up to the skybox, singing my heart out with every strum of the guitar. Every emotion that I'd bottled up over the last 6 months, every ounce of hope, I put into these next words.

_& this is my swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night_

_& I go back to December all the time_

_It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you _

_Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine_

_& I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time_

I brought the melody down to simple chords at the start of each next sentence. There were tears now but my voice didn't falter. I let them fall. If they were looking for emotion and talent, they'd find it in me.

_So come back, come back come back to me _

_Like you would, you would if I just said I'm sorry_

_I know that we could work it out somehow_

_Cuz if this was a movie, you'd be here by now_

_You'd be here by now_

I returned to the stool as I brought the song to an end and finished off the last of the melody.

_Baby what about the ending?_

_I thought you'd be here by now_

There was silence and darkness filled the room, aside from the one spotlight that continued to shine on me. I took the guitar off and sat for a moment to compose myself. With a few deep breaths, the tears had stopped and my heart rate was back to normal. I stood and looked back to the skybox. I didn't even know if someone had been watching me at all but it felt good to finally be able to sing everything out. Even if he was with this Meiling Rae, he'd at least know how I've been feeling. I was finally able to be honest with myself about my emotions over the last few months and it was relieving. I would really have to thank Tomoyo for this trip later.

Quietly and quickly, I left the stage area and headed back towards the waiting room.

x-x-x-x-x

**Syaoran's POV**

"Well that was different." Meiling Rae watched as the girl with the auburn hair left the stage. She twirled a strand of her long dark hair between her fingers before turning her back to the window. Grabbing her coat, she made her way towards the door to leave the room.

"There was so much raw emotion in that song. I just love music like that, don't you? Syaoran?" She'd finally realized that I hadn't spoken or moved from my chair.

I remained quiet. My eyes fixated on the spot where Sakura stood just moments before. What was she doing here? And that song…There wasn't a doubt in my mind that the song was about us or..at least her feelings towards us.

I laughed inwardly, I remember when my sisters would tell me that she'd come around. That true love would always come back and after months of hearing it and trying to make myself believe it, I lost that hope. But here she was, singing her heart out to me and I couldn't think of the right things to do or say.

"Earth to Syaoran!" Meiling shook my shoulders. "I'll be back." I said quickly, standing from the chair and making my way towards the door. There was only one other time that I could remember ever feeling this many emotions at once. But the one emotion that trumped everything was anger. I reached into my pocket and quickly searched through my phone for a number.

"Syaoran! What's your deal?" Meiling yelled after me. I continued to run down the stairs, I needed to get to the bottom of all of this as soon as possible.

_Yes?_

"What the hell, Eriol?" I growled into the phone. I slowed my pace as I made it into the hallway where the dressing room was. Finally finding one that was unlocked, I walked in and locked the door behind me.

_Well that's a great way to greet your best friend. What's your problem?_

"Sakura! You didn't tell me that she was the one auditioning!" I paced the room, running my hands through my hair. How could Eriol have not told me that Sakura wanted to audition? I didn't even know that they knew each other.

_What about her? She's an old friend from high school and she's an amazing performer. I thought—_

"She's THE Sakura, Eriol. The one I told you about forever ago." I'd stopped pacing and leaned against the desk. What were the odds of Eriol asking me to let Sakura audition without realizing that she was the same girl that I'd told him about. Then again, we'd never talked about her again after the first few nights when we'd met.

_I hadn't realized it. I'm really sorry, man. Does this mean that she won't be chosen?_

I hesitated before I answered him. There were so many reasons why she couldn't be chosen, why I didn't want her to be chosen.

"Syaoran?" Meiling shouted through the door, knocking loudly. I stood from the desk and walked towards the door.

"Look, we'll talk about it later. I've gotta go now." I whispered into the phone and hung up quickly as I opened the door. Meiling's hand was frozen in a fist in front of the door, raised in a knocking position.

"Geez, Syaoran! What's wrong with you?" I walked past her out of the room and she closed the door behind us.

I couldn't tell her about Sakura, it would mess everything up. "It's nothing. I just forgot something in the dressing room earlier. I guess I was a little too excited after watching them perform too." I said over my shoulder, flashing her a smile. Hopefully it would convince her that everything was ok. She caught up to me and looped her arm through mine.

"Then who were you talking to on the phone?" she inquired, still not convinced.

"My sister. She just called to bug me again. Is it time to head to the auditorium now?" I hoped that my weak attempt to change the subject would work. I glanced down at her and she continued to watch me like a hawk.

"Yeah, we have to thank them for auditioning and we promised a duet, remember?. Hisae should be briefing them now. Which sister were you talking to?" Her eyes were still fixed on me in a glare as we continued down the hall. "Does it matter?" I questioned, matching her glare with my own stony gaze. There was really no reason for her to be so curious about something that didn't concern her directly. We continued our staring match for what seemed like a minute until she gave up and sighed.

Fine. But we still have to decide on your two choices by tonight. Honestly, I really like Keisuke. He's already built up a name for himself in this city so he's a town favorite. As for the girl, that last one, what was her name…Sakura? She's got some talent."

The sound of her name made me tense up even more.

"No." I said bluntly.

"What? What do you mean no? She was the best one!"

I shook my head, "She didn't even properly introduce herself or even say thank you. Obviously she's not ready for a competition like this if she forgot something small like that." It sounded foolish, but it was the only reason I could come up with as to why she couldn't be chosen. We stopped outside the door to the auditorium.

"You're being ridiculous, Syaoran. We both know that she was the best one tonight. We'll talk to the producers about it after they watch the tapes." There was a determination in her eyes that mirrored my own. I was determined to not let my past come in the way of my future plans. Which means I would eventually have to confront Sakura. If she were to win tonight, something was bound to go wrong.

The door from the auditorium opened and Hisae popped her head out.

"There you two are! We've been waiting. The performers and the band are all set." We both nodded to her before she disappeared behind the door once again. Meiling took my hands in hers and looked me in the eye. "We'll talk about this later." She said before pulling me into the auditorium with her.

The collision happened before either of us could prevent it. I wrapped an arm around Meiling's waist and reached out for the arm of the person in front of me, stabilizing the both of them.

"I'm so sorry! I was going to look for the restroom and—"

And this was our first meeting after 6 months. Her voice caught midway and the continued silence spoke for the both of us. This was totally unexpected.

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alright?" Meiling asked, genuinely concerned. But Sakura's eyes hadn't left mine. "The bathroom is right through this door to the right," Meiling continued.  
>"No, I'm sorry, it was my fault and thank you!" Sakura laughed, reluctantly breaking the eye contact and answering Meiling with a cheerful smile. I took this opportunity to make my escape. Releasing her arm, I continued on past her, pulling Meiling along with me, my arm still wrapped securely around her waist.<p>

"Syaoran?"

I stopped in my tracks but was unable to turn around. I kept my eyes facing forward but felt Meiling turn around to look at the girl we'd just passed.

"Syaoran, do you know her?" Meiling whispered.

Without hesitation I shrugged and continued to walk towards the stage entrance.

" I'm sorry again! But hurry back, k? You won't want to miss the performance!" Meiling said hurriedly over her shoulder.

"You ok, Syaoran? Who was that?"She asked as we continued down the hallway

"I don't know. I've never seen her before." I lied. There were a few moments of silence before I heard the click from the door behind us and I released the breath I'd been holding. She continued to watch me before nodding, "Alright then. Well, here we go!" she said joyfully, tugging me through the curtains onto the stage.

"Good evening everyone and thank you for all gracing us with your talent. All of you are truly talented individuals!" Meiling smiled brightly and waved at the small crowd in the audience. I kept my eyes on the back of her head and let her trail me in behind her. The crowd applauded and she waited for it to quiet down before she continued. I took my seat on one of the stools in the front center of the stage. While she finished her greeting, I fiddled with the microphone stand and adjusted and re-adjusted it to my height to distract myself from looking into the crowd. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sakura return to her seat. I was suddenly feeling a little sick to my stomach.

"For those of you who may not know, I'm Meiling Rae and this here is Syaoran Li! We will both be judges for the upcoming show, Star Struck! A lucky pair of you here will have the opportunity to be mentored by none other than Syaoran himself!" The applause and chatter started back up and died down shortly after as Meiling raised her hands for silence.

"To show our appreciation for coming out on such short notice, we would like to perform an unreleased song from his upcoming album. Is that alright with you all?" the crowds response was unanimous.

I looked over at Meiling through all of the cheers as she took her seat beside me. She met my eyes with a nod and I sat up in front of the microphone.

"Good evening everyone," I limited my view to the wall behind the audience members unable to bring myself to look at the crowd for fear or seeing her again. "My name is Syaoran Li. Thank you all for coming out and I look forward to working with you! This song is called "Somebody That I Used To Know". I hope you all enjoy." I smiled briefly at the applause and looked back to signal the band to begin playing. I closed my eyes as the music started. As much as I'd denied there being any personal inspiration for this song, it was ironic now that the inspiration was sitting just a few feet away from me. I looked over at Meiling who steadily moved her head from side to side to the melody and I took a breath. Keeping my eyes on her, I began to sing.

_Now and then I think of when we were together_

_Like when you said you felt so happy you could die_

Meiling looked over at me and smiled. The first time I sang the song to her, she knew it would be a big hit. She insisted that I re-wrote the 2nd verse and have her sing it but I think it made the song a bit too personal for my liking. I agreed to it though but I would never tell her the truth about the song anyways.

_I told myself that you were right for me_

_But felt so lonely in your company_

_That was love and it's an ache I still remember_

After sending out the last mixed tape I'd ever made for Sakura I waited for a month or two with no response. My feelings and emotions towards love began to become indifferent but my passion for music flourished. This would be the last love song that I'd ever personally write and I made it clear to my manager. He, of course, couldn't understand why but didn't argue about it. My talent wasn't suffering because of it. The only reason I'd signed on to sing was because I probably wouldn't make it far enough as a musician with just my guitar. I'd initially written the song as my last apology but throughout the following weeks, it would turn into something more of a portrayal of the hurt that I'd been feeling.

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough_

Meiling quickly nodded her head towards the crowd, silently signaling for me to connect with the audience. It was something that I'd always had a problem with. Hand me a guitar and I could play every ounce of anger, happiness or sadness within me. Tell me to sing it and it was a whole different story. This singing competition was supposed to not only put my name out on the market, nationally, but also help me learn to express myself better through music.

_No you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

So I made it up in my mind that one look wouldn't hurt. The minute I turned my head to the crowd, I saw them. Her emerald eyes were glued to me. Those sparkling emeralds that used to make me feel as though I had the world in the palm of my hands, now gave me an unsettling feeling. I couldn't get a complete read of what she was thinking but I made sure she knew how I was feeling. Surprised? Yes. Confused? Even more so. But most of all, through my eyes, I showed everything I'd felt in these last few months and how her presence here would not stand in the way of everything I'd worked so hard for.

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

x-x-x-x-x

**Sakura's POV**

Seeing him on TV was completely different from seeing him in person. Watching him earlier, his eyes held such light-heartedness. There was so much warmth when he laughed and smiled with the interviewer. When we'd run into each other just a few moments ago I was completely speechless. My arm still tingled from the grip he held on me when he kept me from falling. I quickly turned away from the gaze we held. His eyes were cold, the emotion I knew he was fully capable when people bothered him but it was one that he'd never shown to me. So was I a bother to him? Did my presence here have the complete opposite effect that I'd hoped for? My eyes found the raven-haired beauty that sat adjacent to him as she began to sing.

_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over_

_But had me believing it was always something that I'd done_

She sang those words so beautifully but there was a sense of malice in them. None-the-less, she was a beautiful girl. I could see why there were so many rumors that were swirling about them. There was a chemistry between them as they sang.

_But I don't wanna live that way_

_Reading in to every word you'd say_

_You said that you would let it go_

_& I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know_

Their voices blended together in a sad, melodic way and my eyes began to sting from holding back the tears that threatened to fall. The only thing I focused on was blocking out the remainder of the song but it was almost impossible. What in the world was I doing here?

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough_

They were telling a love-story that had gone terribly wrong. Our love story. The one that I so foolishly ended 6 months ago, the love story that I'd hope to re-write during this trip but with every word they sang together I was finding my mission to be futile.

_No, you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

That's what those eyes meant. He was trying to let me know that I was unwanted here, I was no longer needed in his life. Before I knew it, everyone was applauding, the song had finished and they quickly cleared out of the auditorium as I continued to sit. I had no business being in this city and he certainly made it evident that I had no business being a part of his life here.

"Excuse me?"

I looked up at the sound of a female voice. Meiling Rae stood on the outside of the aisle where I sat. Her eyes held a look of concern as she approached me.

"I'm sorry, I just got a little caught up in the song. I'll be leaving now." I said, wiping my face clear of any remaining tears.

"No, it's ok! I just wanted to make sure you were alright. My name is Meiling Rae, we ran into each other earlier."

She extended her hand which I shook with hesitation.

"You're Sakura, right? I saw your performance. It was really good! That song was so…real."

I nodded with a feeble smile, "Thank you. I wrote it a few months ago and…I guess it just really meant a lot to me to be able to finally sing it to more than just my bathroom mirror." I laughed. "Well I'm glad you did." Meiling replied with a smile. A silence passed over us as we walked towards the exit.  
>"Hey, have you met Syaoran before?" she asked suddenly. Hopefully she hadn't seen the look of shock on my face but I managed to quickly compose myself. I laughed quietly, "No, I thought he was someone that I used to know." I mentally slapped myself for the reference to their song. The door opened before we could continue and Tomoyo stood in the doorway.<p>

"Thank goodness, Sakura! I was so worried about you!" A look of relief swept over her worried expression.

She pulled me into an embrace. A much needed one at that. I'd really wanted to ask Meiling about her relationship with Syaoran but it would have to wait for another time.

"What's wrong? What happened?" she asked, holding me at arm's length and examining my moist red eyes.

I shook my head with a sniffle, "It's nothing, really. Meiling and I were just talking about music and you know how I get when I talk about my songs!" I laughed nervously in a horrible attempt to mask the truth.

"Yeah, definitely. Your friend here really has a special gift for music." Meiling joined in quickly. I was grateful for her response. As much as I wanted to dislike her, she wasn't really turning out to be so bad. Tomoyo looked skeptically between us and shrugged before taking my hand. "Well we should really get going! He's off of work. It was very nice meeting you Ms…"

"Rae. Meiling Rae." Meiling smiled with an extended hand.

"Nice to meet you, Meiling. I'm Tomoyo Daidouji, Sakura's best friend." Tomoyo replied and shook her hand.

Meiling hid a small giggle behind her hand, "I can tell. You ladies have a good night, ok? I've gotta go find that crazy Syaoran. I have no idea where he's run off to!" she exclaimed as she walked back towards the stage area.

"Syaoran? Sakura did you get to meet with him?" Tomoyo whispered as we made our way out of the building. A car was waiting for us right outside the studio and the driver held the door open.

"If you can call literally running into him and his new girlfriend, Meiling Rae, meeting up with him, then yes." I muttered, shoving myself into the car. Tomoyo scrambled in after me and the driver closed the door behind us.

"Girlfriend? Spill the beans, Sakura!" Tomoyo scooted over closer to my side of the car.

I continued to stare out the window as we began the drive back to the hotel.

"He told her he didn't even know me, Tomoyo." The tears welled up in my eyes again. I was such a cry baby and I hated it.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that all of this was pointless and that he wants nothing to do with me." I definitely spilled the beans, alright. "I did what I could, Tomoyo, and that was it. I just want to go home. It's over." I broke down. She pulled me into a safe embrace, slowly stroking my back as the tears rocked my body. I couldn't contain them any longer.

They say that the first cut is the deepest but they couldn't be more wrong. That second wave of heartbreak was almost unbearable. The fact that you should have learned your lesson the first time around but didn't is like re-opening a wound that had barely even had time to close in the first place.

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><p><strong>AN: Chyeah…sooooooo. I just realized that both of my stories last chapters end with Sakura crying u_u;. I apologize for all the emotions lol. I promise things get better ^_^. But of course, it won't be easy!<strong>

**Ehh, I take my last undergrad final today (graduation in 5 days o_o)! It's for Mandarin II so I'm all (x_x) right now from studying but I wanted to finish & post this chapter before getting back to that! (Yeah, my priorities are certainly in the right order lol). **

**Hope everyone has a wonderful end of April & a super cool start to May! I'll update as soon as I can. **

**Always, **

**Synea K. **


	5. Avalanche

**AN:** Hi There! What am I going on now…5 months without an update? :( Life has definitely been an ever-flowing circle of changes but I think things have settled down enough so that I can update more often again. Thank you for the follows and reviews! :) I seriously had to sit down and consider if I wanted to keep writing the story the way I have been. I was actually contemplating taking the songs out all together and working on developing the story without them but…I'll see for next chapter.

I won't ramble much anymore so I hope you enjoy! (I'll just ramble more afterwards, anyway!)

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><p><strong>Summary: Sakura comes across a mixed CD from her ex-boyfriend that she'd never listened to before. With music as her motivation, she sets out on a journey to reclaim the love she's lost and make one last attempt to have the last than ordinary life she's always dreamed of.<strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: CCS belongs to CLAMP but this plot &amp; a few original characters are all mine! ^_^<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: Avalanche<strong>

**_"When'd you get so cold? I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold"-Marie Digby (Avalanche)_**

_Dear Diary,  
><em>_It's been nearly a week since the audition, 168 hours since my encounter with Syaoran and…_ I glanced at the clock and revised my initial calculation before continuing, _8640 minutes since I was informed that I would be the newest female addition to Star Struck. _I paused to think of what to write next.

"What are you, 10? Since when do you keep a diary?"  
>I glared over my shoulder at Tomoyo who continued to retreat across the room.<br>"I thought that maybe writing would help me make a decision since talking about it only sends me in circles. I'm swimming like a fish in a fish bowl right now."  
>I let out a frustrated sigh and I could hear her faint laughter over the sound of the television.<br>Looking back down at the page, I no longer had any motivation to write out my thoughts and crumpled it up, tossing it aside.

Today was the last day to let the station know if I would accept their offer and I was still unsure. Eriol and Tomoyo both said that they would support whatever I decided but that really wasn't helping me figure out just what that decision was. It was funny, really. I walked over to the over-sized window of the suite's living room. Life had a strange way of always throwing these curve balls at you when you least expected. Last I'd checked, I wasn't 6 anymore and my days on the field were long over. So why hadn't life benched me yet? The most I expected from this trip was a dinner and a movie, maybe. Just a nice walk in the park to talk about our feelings would have sufficed but I guess competing on a television show with him as my mentor isn't too far-fetched, right?

I checked my pocket for my room key and walked towards the door. I had until 5pm to make my decision and right now, with only a couple of hours to spare, my brain felt like mush.  
>"Where are you off to?" Tomoyo called after me. I stopped before reaching the front door and looked over my shoulder to where Eriol and Tomoyo sat on one of the couches, "Just going for a walk. I need to clear my mind a little."<br>"You want us to come with you?" Eriol made a move to stand from the couch but I shook my head in decline. Eriol had been here almost every day even if for a few minutes or on his lunch breaks. Today was his day off so he decided to spend it here with us. Well, he was spending the day with Tomoyo since I was too busy being anti-social in my room.  
>I continued towards the front door. "It's ok! I won't be long. I just need some fresh air."<br>"Alright, well the food should be ready in about an hour so don't be late!" Tomoyo yelled after me as I walked out.

Fresh air was exactly what I needed. The weather was so wonderful today and the warm breeze felt much better than the air conditioning in the hotel suite. It wasn't unbearably hot but just hot enough to warm me up after being cooped up for so long.  
>I don't know how far I'd walked when I came across the park but it looked to be a great place for contemplative thinking. I found a bench underneath the shade of a tree and took a seat.<br>The city was alive today. The small park was situated across the street from a row of little shops and boutiques that were bustling with people on their lunch breaks or just meeting up with friends. It wasn't all that different from where I'd lived for the last few years but the atmosphere sure felt refreshing. We'd done a little sightseeing in the last week with Eriol as our tour guide. There really wasn't a lot to this town but it was comfortable. I could remember the excitement in Syaoran's voice when he'd first arrived here. He would always say how the people were so nice and inviting, how even though there wasn't a lot of extravagant things to do, what was available could be turned into something excitement.

'_It reminded me of home and just being with you, Sakura. You would love it here.'_

I smiled as his exact words rang through my head. We hadn't spoken again until the break up just a week or so later. But it would definitely be a great conversation starter, telling him that he was right. I probably could learn to love it here. I frowned at the thought of how things would change if this show turned out to be a success though. Did I really want to participate in the destruction of such a peaceful place? Great, now I think I'm just making up excuses to not join the show.

"You know, people watching is considered illegal here. It makes you look too suspicious."  
>I Iooked up to see Keisuke and Hisae standing above me.<p>

"That's a horrible joke, Keisuke." Hisae playfully slapped him on the arm with a short giggle.

"Well I'm glad it's just that." I laughed and scooted over on the bench. "You're more than welcome to take a seat though! It won't look too suspicious if all of us are here."

"We don't have time to people watch. We were just on our way to grab some coffee from across the street but Keisuke insisted on stopping." Hisae interjected quickly and folded her arms across her chest. Her attitude just wasn't something that I could handle right now so I chose to ignore her and turned my attention back to her companion.

"Hey, Hisae, how about you go get us a table and I'll be over there soon. I want to talk to Sakura for a minute."

If looks could kill, I'd probably be dead after the one that Hisae gave me. There was something seriously wrong with this girl.

"Fine. But don't be too long ok? I'll text you when the coffee comes. I know how much you hate cold coffee." She whined before taking her leave.

I exhaled the breath that I'd been holding and Keisuke laughed. I looked over with a curious smile and laughed along with him. Somehow I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.

"I think your girlfriend is out to get me." We both watched as she walked into the coffee shop.

"She's like a sister to me but she can be very overprotective. Especially when there's a pretty girl involved." He looked over at me with a boyish grin and I rolled my eyes jokingly.

"So, I hear you were chosen for _Star Struck_. I'm happy for you!" I was hoping the change in subject would distract him from the warmness that had risen in my cheeks. I was never good at appreciating compliments the right way.

"Actually, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I hear you still haven't accepted their offer. Why the wait?" He turned his body to face me and I sat back, gathering my thoughts.

"Well I don't think it's worth losing my life over. Hisae will kill me, without a doubt, if I agree to work with you." I laughed. He shook his head with amusement, "Without a doubt. But come on, really. What' stopping you?"

"It just wasn't in my plans." I put simply with a sad sigh. On top of that, Syaoran obviously didn't want anything to do with me if he couldn't even admit to his new girlfriend that he knew me. I was finally past the embarrassment of it all. I'd cried in the car the entire ride back to the hotel.

He raised his eyebrows, "So make new ones. This is a once in a life time offer and you're thinking of passing it up because it doesn't fit in your current plans? I saw you perform Sakura, you've got an amazing gift."

"You saw me perform?" I asked curiously.

He nodded, "I wanted to see what my future partner sounded like so I stuck around during your audition."

It was my turn to raise my eyebrows, "So you're a performer and you can tell the future? Multitalented, I'm impressed."

He laughed at my joke and shook his head, "I just know talent when I see it, that's all."

& there goes the blush again.

"So what are these plans of yours? Why are you even here if it wasn't for the audition?"

I hesitated for a moment but decided to answer anyways, "I was looking for someone. An old friend."

It wouldn't be so bad to talk to someone other than Tomoyo and Eriol about what I should do. I needed a new perspective on things. There was a silence and I assumed he was waiting for me to continue,

"I actually just graduated from school. I was getting ready to move when my best friend convinced me to come here for a few months instead." I laughed quietly at the realization of how much control Tomoyo had over my life.

"This whole trip is ironic, really. My old friend and I, we actually stopped speaking because they wanted to pursue their dream of becoming a star. But now here I am! A mutual friend was able to get me into the audition and so I took up the offer. Like you said, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, right?"

He was quiet for a moment before answering, "Did you ever find your friend?"

Before I could answer, his phone buzzed in his pocket. I looked up towards the coffee shop to see Hisae waving from a table near the window.

"I guess that's my cue to get out of here!" Keisuke stood from the bench and dusted his pants off. I nodded in agreement and he held his hand and helped me up from the seat.

He wrapped me in a quick hug before stepping backwards towards the street, "Look, if you find your friend while you're here or not, just think about how you could be passing up one of the most amazing chances in your life. Who knows? This could even make you guys closer! Think about it, Sakura. I'll catch up with you later!"

He hurriedly made his way across the street and waved goodbye before joining Hisae inside the shop.

I made my way back towards the hotel, gripping my phone in my hand. I'd dialed and re-dialed the number to the station at least 3 times already. On one hand, Syaoran clearly stated that he didn't know me. But what if he'd only said that because Meiling was there? But then again, Syaoran's never been one to lie just because. My head was starting to hurt from my indecisiveness. After the night of the audition, Tomoyo hadn't even bothered me once about continuing with our plan. She told me she understood if I wanted to go home. As grateful as I was that she didn't push me, I was a little disappointed too. I was never a quitter before and I didn't want to be labeled as one now but I couldn't shake this horrible feeling in my gut as I pulled out my phone to dial the station's number. There was a 50 percent chance that things between Syaoran and I wouldn't get any better but I still held an ounce of hope that I was wrong. What was the worst that could happen? We talk about our past and decide to leave what we had there? Even if that were the case, at least I would be taking the chance, right? Taking a deep breath, I re-dialed the station's number. The way I was beginning to see things, I was already here, I might as well just see it through. Keisuke could be right, maybe if I competed in this competition, it could bring Syaoran and I closer together. He would be forced to talk to me, actually. I laughed at the last thought just as the other line clicked on.

"Good afternoon, my name is Sakura Kinomoto. I'm confirming my position on the show Star Struk." I pushed aside the uneasiness that began to develop and walked on with my head held in confidence. If Syaoran and I were meant to be together, if we were even meant to be friends- then this would be my time to prove it.

x-x-x-x-x

They say you should always trust your gut instinct. Too bad I decided to go against my better judgement this time around.

I sat in a chair outside the producer's office as the shouting match continued on the other side of the door, flinching every time I heard him raise his voice. I was quickly beginning to regret my decision to go through with this and the hem on my skirt suffered for it as I picked at the lose strands of cloth.

"You've got to be kidding me." Keisuke raised his voice almost as loud as the others on the other side of the wall. He continued to pace back and forth, which really wasn't making things better.

"It's alright, I'm sure there's just been some sort of misunderstanding." I tried to console him. He was angrier than I was at the whole situation.

Completely ignoring what I'd said he continued his angry rant, "To think that I used to idolize him. I had no idea that he could be such a prick."

I opened my mouth, almost wanting to defend Syaoran but stopped when the door burst open, revealing the man of the hour. Meiling Rae trailed behind him along with the third judge, who I had yet to be introduced to, and one of the show's producers. The tension in the room could be sliced with even the dullest knife as I waited for the producer to speak.

"So what's the verdict?" Keisuke asked eagerly. I rose from the chair and joined him in the center of the room. The producer looked at me, his eyes a mix of exhaustion and some other emotion. Concern, maybe? I shoved that last thought out of my head. There was no reason for him to be concerned, right? He let out a heavy sigh and put on what should have been a smile but seemed almost painful.

"I don't know what he's got against you but I hope it will only make for an interesting show. You will still be competing in the show, Ms. Kinomoto and Mr. Li will remain your mentor."

My eyes widened in excitement. Excitement or fear. Whichever it was, I didn't have a moment to really think about it since Keisuke and scooped me up into a hug, lifting me full off the ground and spinning once before setting me back down.

He was definitely more thrilled than I was but at least one of us was. The producer quietly took his leave and Keisuke and I stood together in a sort of awkward silence after all the yelling that had just taken place.

"I knew you'd make it! There really wasn't any contest. I can't believe they were trying to say that someone was better than you."

I plastered a grin on my face. Boy did he really know how to boost a girls ego! We walked together out through a series of hallways and back into the main lobby. Me nodding and smiling as he talked about how excited he was about the show now that things would finally start. In all honesty, I think I stopped fully paying attention when we left the first room. I wish I could fully share in his enthusiasm but the reality of what I would be doing was finally beginning to hit me and it became even more real when we turned a corner only to find Syaoran and Meiling in what looked like a heated discussion. At the sound of Keisuke's voice, Meiling looked over at us, whispered one last thing to Syaoran and turned on her heel, leaving the brunette by himself. I wondered if their discussion had anything to do with me. Scratch that, by the surprised look Meiling gave me before she left I was 80% sure that it was about me. My eyes were planted on my shoes at this point but I could hear his footsteps blend with ours as Keisuke's chatter died down and he walked towards us. I wasn't prepared to look at him yet, not after hearing him have a hissy fit over me becoming his mentee. Would it really be so much of a bad thing? To spend even just a little professional time with your ex-girlfriend? I held my breath as he brushed by us without so much as an acknowledgement.

Something had snapped within me without my consent because I found myself calling out to him. I contemplated what I would say next, quickly and quietly. This would be the first full sentence that I would say to him but the only thing I could seem to focus on was the pounding in my ears. What could I say to him that wouldn't seem as if we had some sort of history?

"Syaoran, I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't apologize to him, Sakura. You didn't do anything wrong. If anything he should apologize to you for making things difficult." Keisuke interrupted. His eyes fiery with anger. If I hadn't grabbed his elbow he may have lunged at my ex.

Syaoran stopped walking, his body tensing up. My gaze found his fists that clenched almost painfully.

_'Walk away, Syaoran. He doesn't know anything...just walk away.'_ I wanted to cry out. I knew his temper when it came to people butting into situations they have no idea about. I was hoping my thoughts would reach him through some sort of telekinetic bond we might still have.

It must have worked because he released whatever anger he'd been holding in a single breath, unclenched his fists and continued down the hall.

"The nerve of that guy." Keisuke muttered. He continued to make his way down the hall and I followed slowly, still lost in my own thoughts.

Stupid mouth. What was I even going to apologize for? 'Hey Syaoran, I'm sorry for coming all the way over here to ruin your life.' or 'Hey, I'm sorry I decided to just show up and now you have to spend the next year with me without your consent. I hope you can ever forgive me!' or 'Hey-'

I was jolted out of my thoughts when I ran into Keisuke. I really had to start watching where I was going. He stopped walking and turned around, realizing that he was talking to himself.

He brought his arms around and held me against him, completely unaware of the shock on my face from his actions. "I'm sorry you have to go through so much. You don't deserve any of this." he whispered, rubbing a comforting hand along my back.

I remained tense and unmoving against him. Aside from the awkward embrace that I was currently stuck in, I'd come to the realization that in contrast to what he said...I honestly did deserve this. He didn't know anything about what I deserved and didn't deserve and I couldn't blame him. He, along with everyone else at this TV station was completely in the dark about my history with Syaoran and as far as I was concerned, it needed to stay that way if we were to get through this show without anymore drama.

x-x-x-x

_"Since when do you come around _

_& the temperatures change? Nothing's the same _

_Left me in yesterday, _

_You don't see me that way—touch me that way no more_

_When'd you get so cold?_

_I'm not sure just how much longer I can hold"_

"With more emotion. You need to be able to connect with the audience or it's pointless."

Sakura gave another frustrated sigh and sat back in her chair, clearly flustered.

It was our first rehearsal together. I was being hard on her but I needed to be if this was going to work out, especially if she decided to sing this song that was clearly about me. Probably getting me back for the performance the other night.

"Hey, Syaoran, maybe you could give her a break or something? We've been going at it for almost an hour now."

I turned my attention to Keisuke. He eyed Sakura worriedly and made a move to sit next to her.

"You can leave now, Keisuke. You should go work on those chords with Meiling, they were a little messy. I'd like to work with Sakura one on one now."

I knew it would upset him but it was the only way to get him to leave. We ended up in a sort of staring match. There was an intensity in his eyes that I'm sure he thought would frighten me but I held my ground.

Sakura's eyes darted between the two of us and Keisuke opened his mouth as if to say something but stormed across the room. He reluctantly picked up his jacket and walked towards the exit, "I'll be waiting outside, Sakura."

The door closed loudly behind him and out of the corner of my eye I noticed Sakura stiffen at the noise. She took a deep breath before standing from her chair.

"You didn't have to be so rude, you know."

"I was being honest, he needs to practice." I turned to face her. Our eyes met for a split second before she looked back down at the notebook in her hands. This was the first time we'd actually spoken by ourselves. If you could even call the exchange we were having a conversation.

"You can start up where you left off whenever you want. This time, try to actually put some emotion in it."

I turned my back to her but I could still feel her eyes focused on me. She sighed and continued the song.

_You got me standing at the bottom of this mountain that we made_

_And the ground is shaking from all of our mistakes_

_But there's no one, nothing but us is in our way _

_It's a matter of time—we can rewind_

A soft melody sounded throughout the room. I looked back to see her sitting at the piano, her fingers moving effortlessly over the keys. It'd been a while since I'd heard her play and she'd gotten much better. Her eyes remained closed as she continued to sing.

_If you only knew_

_What my heart goes through for you_

_I'm trying to break through_

_Don't you think it's worth a chance?_

She opened her eyes and held my gaze, tears on the verge of spilling but she remained controlled. Instead, for every tear that would have fallen she put them into her lyrics.

_Let's leave the past_

_Is that too much to ask?_

_& where do we stand?_

_Can we pull through this avalanche?_

The melody came to an end and the room was filled with silence once more.

'Let's leave the past?' It was hard to do that when the past was a 5'6 brunette, staring you down with the saddest, most determined eyes you've ever seen. How could anyone possibly leave that behind, right? Sadly, I was never one to follow the norm. I'll admit that her song hit a nerve though. But it angered me. Why did everything seem so easy for her? To her, we should just leave everything behind and start over. To her, it was easy enough to just call one day and break it off. It was easy enough for her to just show up unexpected and invite herself back into my life when the last 6 months had been the hardest for me to get through.

"Syaoran."

I lifted my head at the sound of her voice. How long had I been lost in my thoughts? I nodded and reached to pick up my coat, "It was better. That's enough for today."

"Syaoran, listen...I...wanted to talk to you about everything."

Was I really read to hear about 'everything'?

When I didn't respond she continued, " I wanted to say sorry and explain why I'm here. I didn't mean to impose on your life. It's just, I found this old letter from you and-"

"Sakura."

"Tomoyo convinced me to come find you and then she and Eriol had this idea that-"

"I said that's enough." the raise in my voice surprised the both of us. The tears that had threatened to spill from her eyes before had returned.

"Get some rest and we'll work on this again tomorrow. We don't have time to waste." I continued making my way out of the room.

"Waste? Is what I have to say really a waste of time to you?" Her anger was sudden and I stopped where I was by the door. When had she become so confrontational?

"You know that's not what I meant. You're over reacting." I said barely above a whisper. I couldn't let my temper get the best of me.

"I came all this way just for a chance to talk with you and so far you won't even give me a minute of your time."

"Why should I?" I almost yelled. So much for controlling my temper. She turned her face away, obviously hurt by the tone I'd used. We rarely argued when we were together. It was something we promised each other.

"The Syaoran I used to know wouldn't-"she started barely above a whisper but I'd heard enough.

"The Syaoarn you used to know?" I repeated her statement. "The Syaoran you used to know was left standing alone on a cold December night at a payphone on 18th Ave...6 months ago." I finished in a controlled tone. I was careful not to let the anger boil over this time.

Once again there was silence between us. I could hear her attempt to control her emotions, signaling that I'd done enough damage for the day.

It took every inch of me to continue walking out of that rehearsal room knowing that she was hurt by what I'd said. It was the truth though and it wasn't something that I was proud of. I wasn't ready to unravel the last 6 months for anyone, certainly not to Sakura.

She would have to learn to deal with who I've become before she could begin to understand the person I was when we were apart.

Putting my jacket on, I pulled the hood over my head and made my way to the backdoor of the TV studio. Slipping my sunglasses on over my eyes, I moved with the security guards, past all of the psuedo paparazzi and admirers that had probably stood there for hours just to snap a fuzzy photo of the back of my head and climbed into the vehicle that waited to take me back to my hotel. I watched the camera's flash and ignored the calling of my name as we pulled out of the back lot of the studio. A lot had changed in the last 6 months...and I couldn't afford to have my world crumble again because of her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> & that's that! It's not too much buuut I'm working on it, don't worry.  
>As for <strong>Breaking Free<strong> - Chapter 11 is almost complete! I love where the plot is going annd I can't wait for you all to read! Next update for TMT will be after Breaking Free!  
>Thanks in advance for reading and reviewing and just for being awesome ^_^<br>'til next time~

Always,

Synea K.


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